Last weekend, my husband and I went down to visit my new baby niece.
We had a hard time trying to figure out a good weekend to go down. One of the reasons was because we're wanting to trade in our car for a van soon. My husband was nervous that driving the car 6 hours each way, was just asking for something to happen... like an accident, hail damage, or just plain having car problems.
But with no other time working, we went; praying that if God truly wanted us to make this trade-in, He would protect us.
And boy did He!!!!
Friday night as we were driving down, everything was going well. It was about 9:30 and I had been dozing in and out of sleep. We were an hour away from my sister's house.
I suddenly said "oh my gosh!!"
The car in front of us went left, then sharp right, into the ditch, up the hill, spun around, slid down hill, spun around again and then stopped.
My husband is really quick in these situations. I don't know if it's a guy thing or the fact he was an EMT.
He hit the hazards and started to slow down. By the time the car had stopped moving, we came up to the cause of the accident. There was an entire roll of insulation over both lanes. We were going slow enough by this point that Nate could easily maneuver around it. Then we pulled to the side of the road. The next two vehicles behind us (a pick-up and a semi) had seen Nate's hazards and started slowing down as well so they didn't hit us. They could not really go around the insulation though. BUT since both were bigger vehicles, they could go over it which actually got it off the road for the next group of cars.
When we stopped on the shoulder, I looked at the other car.
"There's a kid standing up, Nate!", I said.
You all know that kids are my passion so I started getting a little more concerned but tried to stay calm. Nate was out and down to the car faster than I could get my shoes on.
He first asked if they were okay. It was a mom and a 3 year old boy. Neither of them were injured so praise the Lord for that. I had gotten down there and heard Nate say "Go up with my wife to our car and I'll try to drive your car out of here".
So I walked with them back up to our car. The pick-up that was behind us had pulled over too. The man helped Nate.
They got the car up onto the shoulder and started checking if it was okay. Amazingly it was except the trunk wouldn't stay shut. As they worked on it, I talked to the little boy.
I asked him if he was okay and if anything hurt. He said he was scared. Then he told me how they wrecked and he fell. He had been in a car seat but it wasn't on very securely.
I talked to him some more about how he was meeting his dad so they could go fishing. He told me about his new fishing pole and how big of a fish he was going to catch. He was a real cute kid.
His mom had been looking for her cell phone and couldn't find it. So I called it for her.
The guys never could get the trunk to stay shut but they decided it was heavy enough, it shouldn't be a problem. She was only a mile or two away from her destination.
She was pretty shaken by the whole thing but thankfully no one was hurt. I still think of her often and pray that neither of them were too sore the next morning.
I really think about the boy. He was spending the weekend with his dad. Was he sore? Would his dad take the accident into consideration?
I have to leave all that up to God. More than likely, I'll never see them again.
There's so many things that could have gone wrong with that accident. They could have rolled their car. It's amazing that they didn't!! If we were any closer to them, they could have hit us or we may have hit the insulation straight on or we may not have been able to help in the way we did. If we had been further back, the pick-up and semi behind us could have hit us.
The whole thing caused us a 20 minute delay but that's not bad considering what else could have happened. I don't think I could have handled it if that little boy had been hurt. Like I said, he's on my mind a lot now and he wasn't injured!
I must have tensed up during the whole thing or something because when we started driving again, my shoulder hurt. I couldn't raise my arm at all.
But that's not a big deal in the scheme of things.
We're thankful they're okay. We're thankful God protected us as well. And we're thankful that we were able to help them. No one else stopped to help. I don't know if someone else in our position would have or not. But we did and we're thankful.
We didn't drive our car at all while down there. Saturday night a storm was coming in and Nate was worried about hail damage but the storm ended up breaking up.
Sunday was the long drive back.
We're in the midwest and there were storms everywhere.
An hour after we left, one of my sisters and the other sister's husband were both texting us telling us they were in a tornado warning and one had been spotted South of them.
We weren't driving in rain or anything. I prayed right then that we'd stay ahead of it.
Three hours into our trip Nate's co-worker called to see where we were. He told us about some storms going on but thought we'd stay behind it. So we were driving in between two storms basically the whole way.
Do you know what?
We didn't even hit rain until we were an hour away from home. And even then, it was only pouring, white knuckle type driving, for about 20 minutes! That's amazing considering all that was going on around us!
Nate's sister had text a couple times saying that people on Facebook were talking about a tornado near our town and the news talked about one spotted in a town close by.
When we got back, we had to stop at my parents to get my step-son.
(We get him on Sunday nights so instead of trying to be back in time, he just went to my parents for a couple hours)
My parents said that they assumed we were driving in storms the whole way because the radar was just red the whole distance.
Well, there was a little hole that God had us driving in. I'm still amazed at it.
We keep hearing stories about that night. Stories about how hard it was raining, how much the wind was blowing, how much hail there was and all sorts of things.
We even know of someone else driving home but they were coming from the East where we were coming from the West. They had to stop and go into a church basement.
We must have been in another world.
One little town we drove by had been tossed like a salad just an hour or so before. Trees had fallen and leaves were plastered to people's houses. We didn't drive through it but was told about it later.
Nothing was like what had happened in Oklahoma, but there were still storms and God had kept us out of them.
I don't think it was all to protect our car either. I think God protected US.
Just driving in the pouring rain for 20 minutes made my body ache. I haven't felt well all week and I think it's a combination of things. But from my experience, I know that if we'd driven 6 hours in storms (like we certainly could have) I would be even worse. My body just doesn't handle those kinds of things anymore.
I've been having some lungs/chest issues for about a month now and it was really acting up on Sunday before we even left. If I had been tense the whole trip, I can't even imagine what I would be feeling like now.
God is good.
Yes, He could have made both trips completely different. He could have NOT allowed the insulation to be in the road at that moment. He could have NOT let it storm at all so it wouldn't be a concern.
But He was allowing those things to happen and no one can predict why. We can't read His mind and see what He sees. But we trust that He knows best.
In all that, He was very much protecting us.
Like I said.. He could have made both trips completely different. WE could have been the ones that came upon the insulation first. We could have been closer to the car wrecking. We could have driven in storms.. even a tornado.. all day Sunday.
Sometimes God protecting us doesn't mean avoiding all negative things. It means keeping us exactly where He wants us.
Nate and I praised Him after the car accident for what could have happened but didn't.
We praised Him while we were driving home, realizing how amazing it was that we weren't even in rain.. let alone a big storm.
We still praise Him for all He has done, will do and is doing for us.
God is good. Praise Him.
Friday, May 24, 2013
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
No Tech Day
How do you feel about technology?
I honestly have mixed feelings.
I'm obviously using it now.
It's a lot easier to stay in contact with long distance friends.
And I definitely think it helped find the suspects in Boston.
There are several more positive things that come from technology but I feel like there's a negative side to every positive if we aren't careful.
We don't seem to think for ourselves anymore. We'll whip out our smart phones to find the answer rather than stopping and thinking. Any decision that we have, we may get on a social site and ask others what we should do. Or when trying to go somewhere, we use GPS rather than a map and our brains.
Kids seem to think experience is found on the screen. Video games and things seem so real to them that they think they have actually experienced it. They'll stay inside looking at nature on the screen rather than be outside and truly be in nature!
While technology helps us be in contact with long distance friends, I think it blocks a closeness we could have with people who live near us.
There's more negative things I can think of but I want to stop there.
On Saturday my husband and I did a No Tech Day. We decided that we wouldn't play, look up the weather or any other apps on our phones. We wouldn't get on the computer either.
We went as far as to say we weren't going to watch TV or a movie.
I had read the idea in the Reader's Digest. It didn't go into much detail about how to do it but just the thought of doing it appealed to me. I mentioned it to my husband Friday night and so we agreed to try it.
We don't have big problems with talking and doing things together. But sometimes it does seem like we're in the same room and yet different places. Our conversation would go something like this:
"What are you doing?"
"Playing golf. You?"
"Playing Flow"
THE END
The thing is that we could have that conversation, playing our phones, while the TV is on. We don't have cable or satellite so it could be we used Netflix through the Wii.
Isn't that kind of sad in a way?
Is technology blocking some of your relationships?
My husband and I aren't that bad all the time, just occasionally. But there is that sense of what would happen if we didn't have all this "stuff"?
Let me tell you... It was FUN!!!!
We were together basically all day.
We worked together cleaning out his house (that we just sold!).
We drove around and talked together.
We went out for ice cream together.
And boy, did we laugh together!!
If it was nicer out, we probably would have gone on a walk or done something more in nature. We both love to be outside so that would have made it easier.
We ended the day by playing a game together. I feel like I was raised on board games. And even though I have quite a few, we hardly play them.
It just made us realize how quickly we can become distant.
Like I said, we really aren't as bad as I can imagine other houses are. We always find time to talk before we go to sleep but it may not be very long or expansive.
There's something different when we're not just talking about what happened that day or what we need to do this week.. but adding to it what we'd like to be in the future or reliving the past.
It connects you all over again.
What about you and your family?
The weekends we have the boys we always do a family night. Occasionally, it's playing a game together but more often, it's movie and popcorn. Again, I'm not saying these things are bad but it's nice to mix things up and do things that require more communicating.
We hear or read about how important it is to eat as a family around the table. I think any more people tend to eat in front of the TV or are looking at their phones even if they're physically at the table.
We already don't do that. We sit as a family around the table and our phones aren't touched unless they ring (not text). I can see the importance!
If doing a No Tech Day seems too daunting to you, try the meal thing first. Or maybe part of a day.
My oldest step-son will be a teenager next week. Right now he WANTS to do things with us. He wants us to come out and play basketball with him or he wants us to all play a game or watch a movie together.
How long will we have that? When is he going to decide he would rather not have us around?
It's funny because a week ago he said, "Let's drive around all day because that's when we talk the most." Smart kid!
He'll be getting his own cell phone here very soon.
I'll admit I fear how this is going to affect our lives here. I foresee us sitting in the same room but not paying attention to the other people in that room.
It's quite possible we'll try to do the No Tech Day more often and make it so that we won't text anyone that day either.
There's different levels anyone could do this.
In the Reader's Digest, there was the easy level. It was where you designate one room in your house as a No Tech Room... with a basket on the door for a cell phone. That sounds appealing to me for the kitchen. So even though I sit there while paying bills and things.. I would have to make that conscience effort to get up and get on my phone. We don't have a TV in the kitchen so that wouldn't be a problem. And I'd have to make myself only use the computer for business purposes.
The next level was a weekend retreat type thing, I believe. That's the angle I was going for with our Saturday. If we were going to do it again, I think we'd plan ahead a little more to prepare ourselves mentally and maybe tell others so we could just leave our phones home. I'd be tempted to do it for more of the weekend.
The third and hardest level was done by a man in California. He traded in his smart phone for a regular flip phone. He really enjoys it because he says he's getting to know his city even better. One reason is he's out experiencing it and the other is he's not using the directions given from his phone. He's using his head and learning how to get around. If you don't have a smart phone, this probably seems silly that it's the hardest level. But if you have one, you know how addicting it is... how easy it is to go to it for everything.
I have said several times that I wish my husband and I didn't get smart phones. We justified why we "needed" them. He uses the weather app pretty often especially at work on a potentially stormy day. I like being able to check my email or the schools website anywhere I go. Now that we have them, it'd be hard to give up!.. no matter how much I think we use them too much. That just takes will power to only use them when necessary.
My husband and I really enjoyed our No Tech Day. He even admitted that it wasn't as hard as he thought it would be. We were both relaxed and enjoy each other's company all day long.
Neither of us regret it or feel like we missed out on something.
Like I said... it was FUN!
I encourage you to at least consider doing a No Tech Day or part of a day.
Shut off the video games, cell phones, and computers.
Talk to each other. Laugh together. Play together.
Enjoy each other while you're still able to BE together!
Thursday, April 11, 2013
My hardest trial... so far.
It seems like every time I post something on here God says, "Okay, let's see you practice what you preach."
The same day I did my last post, I had another "event" happen.
As the day wore on, I was not feeling well. I was so nauseous and weak that I couldn't make supper. Unfortunately, this happens to me fairly often. It doesn't mean I'm sick or coming down with something. My body just gets weak.
My husband had his monthly Firemen meeting so was not home. Thankfully, my step-son is old enough to fend for himself. He got something to eat, ate and then headed back outside to play basketball.
I decided to try to eat something. So hanging onto the counters and moving slowly, I made myself some soup.
As I tried to get a Sprite out of the plastic rings, another Sprite fell to the floor. It started spinning and sprayed the entire kitchen!!
Seriously, I had a Sprite sprinkler at my feet!
The bills on the table were wet. The fridge was wet. My socks and pants.. soaked!
Last night (two days later!) I found some on my china hutch!
It seriously went everywhere!
I was feeling so weak that I had to call my husband home to help me. He hadn't been gone long so I figured they were still cleaning trucks and hadn't started the actual meeting yet. I was right.
Thankfully, he came and cleaned the floor. After mopping it twice... it's still sticky!
As the Sprite was spraying everything, I thought of my blog.
"Are you kidding me? I have to laugh?"
In the moment I smiled. I smiled at God's sense of humor.
It didn't take long for it to turn into a joke around here though. My step-son thinks it's hilarious and is sad he was outside and missed it all. But we all still laugh when we see spots on the wall or the curtains.
I didn't decide to post today just to tell you that story though.
I mentioned in my last post that last week there was a lot of stress going on. There was something underlying everything else that was happening.
Six months ago I had my regular annual exam. It came back abnormal. This can happen and it typically means nothing. But they like to recheck six months later.
Last week I went in for the recheck.
This time she saw spots on my cervix.
"It could be nothing!" she said trying to comfort me, "But we won't know for a week."
Those of you that know me personally, know that I want to be a mom so badly. I've wanted to be a mom since I was little and that's all I've wanted to be.
I was CRUSHED at this news.
I felt like I was looking cancer straight in the face.
Each day I tried to think 'it could be nothing'. But my mind liked to run wild.
Was I going to be able to have kids at all? Would we have money to do en-vitro? Would someone be willing to be a surrogate for me? Were we going to adopt?
If it was cancer.. was I going to have to stop working? Would I feel worse than I do now? Will I die?
My mind very quickly went to dark places and I had to draw it back. I had to pray often!
The reaction from others just heightened my fear. At one point my oldest sister (who's married to a doctor!) asked me IF I found out I couldn't have kids, would I adopt. She emphasized the word "IF" but still (in my mind) if the doctor's wife was thinking along those lines, it must be a BIG possibility!
I don't know how many of you have faced things like this. It is indescribable!
It is for sure the hardest week of my life!
The day after I went to the doctor, I was struggling the most. The day before I think I was just in shock. It sunk in more the next morning.
As I was praying I said, "Lord, I need a song. I need a song to run through my head that reminds me how much You care. A song that will stick with me."
I had thought about the song "Cast all your Cares" but for me that was what I was struggling with. I was struggling casting my cares on Him. I needed a song that showed me why I can do that!
I kept praying and laid in my bed until it came.
"Why should I feel discouraged? Why should the shadows come?
Why should my heart be lonely and long for heaven and home
When Jesus is my portion? My constant Friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me."
Perfect.
This song comes from Luke 12:6, 7. "Are not five sparrows sold for two cents? Not one of them is forgotten before God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows." (it's also found in the book of Matthew)
God cares about all of His creation but we, mankind, are the most important to Him.
The song above is "His Eye is on the Sparrow" written by Civilla D. Martin. You may have heard it song by Lauryn Hill especially in the movie Sister Act 2 or maybe Whitney Houston's version.
Here is the background for the song from Civilla D. Martin.
The chorus of the song is this:
"I sing because I'm happy, I sing because I'm free;
For His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me."
Do you know how hard it is to sing "I sing because I'm happy" when you're facing possible cancer and your biggest dream is crashing down around you?
I've sang that song in my head SOOO many times over the last week and I forced myself to smile during that phrase every time.
It helped!
This entire song helped me keep my focus on God and how He cares. It helped me know that He's in control and He'll be with me whatever the future holds.
I still struggled.
I still had fear.
But I also had God.
What is fear?
Fear is the lack of faith.
Have you ever thought about it like that before? I had just heard it phrased that way recently.
There's all sorts of fear... fear for the world, fear for our nation, fear for our lives on a personal level. All of it is lack of faith. It's lack of trusting God with the outcome.
When children get scared at night, where do they run? They run to their parents' room and find comfort in just being near them. The scary thing may still be near, but they have peace knowing their parents are protecting them.
The same goes for us as Children of God.
The scary (fearful) thing is still there but we need to find comfort in the presence of our Father.
The week has been hard.
Waiting is hard.
Something to remember during a time of waiting... Waiting is a trial in itself.
When I would talk about it, I would tear up.
The thought of losing my ability to have kids was so real.
Every thing we had going on, I felt like I had to be fake. I had to appear to be Okay on the surface while just under that was a huge fear. I didn't want to tell everyone about it and yet it was on my mind constantly.
I longed for it to be all over. I wanted to move on to the next step... whatever that was.
I finally got the phone call.
The results came back clear!! PRAISE THE LORD!
I still need to keep an eye on things and there's still issues that need to be figured out. I'm not out of the woods as far as possibly not being able to have kids on my own BUT that hope still exists. At this point, there's still that option. That is such a great feeling!
There's still decisions to be made and things to consider. But God has kept the door open.
I wanted to write all of this while the feelings and emotions of the last week were still fresh. I don't think it's ever going to be possible to completely forget what I felt, thought and learned during this trial but I know the freshness will diminish some. Time may heal all wounds but the memory will always exist.
I looked fear straight on.
I wasn't successful the entire time. It wasn't easy by any means!
As I said, the whole experience is indescribable. Unless you have been through something similar, you won't be able to fully grasp it. It's hard for me to describe all the feelings and emotions that happened.
Maybe some of you can relate to that.
Fear and peace seemed to fight against each other. I don't want to relive it. And I pray I never have to.
But I know HE watches me... and I can cast all my cares, fears and worries on Him.
The same day I did my last post, I had another "event" happen.
As the day wore on, I was not feeling well. I was so nauseous and weak that I couldn't make supper. Unfortunately, this happens to me fairly often. It doesn't mean I'm sick or coming down with something. My body just gets weak.
My husband had his monthly Firemen meeting so was not home. Thankfully, my step-son is old enough to fend for himself. He got something to eat, ate and then headed back outside to play basketball.
I decided to try to eat something. So hanging onto the counters and moving slowly, I made myself some soup.
As I tried to get a Sprite out of the plastic rings, another Sprite fell to the floor. It started spinning and sprayed the entire kitchen!!
Seriously, I had a Sprite sprinkler at my feet!
The bills on the table were wet. The fridge was wet. My socks and pants.. soaked!
Last night (two days later!) I found some on my china hutch!
It seriously went everywhere!
I was feeling so weak that I had to call my husband home to help me. He hadn't been gone long so I figured they were still cleaning trucks and hadn't started the actual meeting yet. I was right.
Thankfully, he came and cleaned the floor. After mopping it twice... it's still sticky!
As the Sprite was spraying everything, I thought of my blog.
"Are you kidding me? I have to laugh?"
In the moment I smiled. I smiled at God's sense of humor.
It didn't take long for it to turn into a joke around here though. My step-son thinks it's hilarious and is sad he was outside and missed it all. But we all still laugh when we see spots on the wall or the curtains.
I didn't decide to post today just to tell you that story though.
I mentioned in my last post that last week there was a lot of stress going on. There was something underlying everything else that was happening.
Six months ago I had my regular annual exam. It came back abnormal. This can happen and it typically means nothing. But they like to recheck six months later.
Last week I went in for the recheck.
This time she saw spots on my cervix.
"It could be nothing!" she said trying to comfort me, "But we won't know for a week."
Those of you that know me personally, know that I want to be a mom so badly. I've wanted to be a mom since I was little and that's all I've wanted to be.
I was CRUSHED at this news.
I felt like I was looking cancer straight in the face.
Each day I tried to think 'it could be nothing'. But my mind liked to run wild.
Was I going to be able to have kids at all? Would we have money to do en-vitro? Would someone be willing to be a surrogate for me? Were we going to adopt?
If it was cancer.. was I going to have to stop working? Would I feel worse than I do now? Will I die?
My mind very quickly went to dark places and I had to draw it back. I had to pray often!
The reaction from others just heightened my fear. At one point my oldest sister (who's married to a doctor!) asked me IF I found out I couldn't have kids, would I adopt. She emphasized the word "IF" but still (in my mind) if the doctor's wife was thinking along those lines, it must be a BIG possibility!
I don't know how many of you have faced things like this. It is indescribable!
It is for sure the hardest week of my life!
The day after I went to the doctor, I was struggling the most. The day before I think I was just in shock. It sunk in more the next morning.
As I was praying I said, "Lord, I need a song. I need a song to run through my head that reminds me how much You care. A song that will stick with me."
I had thought about the song "Cast all your Cares" but for me that was what I was struggling with. I was struggling casting my cares on Him. I needed a song that showed me why I can do that!
I kept praying and laid in my bed until it came.
"Why should I feel discouraged? Why should the shadows come?
Why should my heart be lonely and long for heaven and home
When Jesus is my portion? My constant Friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me."
Perfect.
This song comes from Luke 12:6, 7. "Are not five sparrows sold for two cents? Not one of them is forgotten before God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows." (it's also found in the book of Matthew)
God cares about all of His creation but we, mankind, are the most important to Him.
The song above is "His Eye is on the Sparrow" written by Civilla D. Martin. You may have heard it song by Lauryn Hill especially in the movie Sister Act 2 or maybe Whitney Houston's version.
Here is the background for the song from Civilla D. Martin.
Early in the spring of 1905, my husband and I were sojourning in Elmira, New York. We contracted a deep friendship for a couple by the name of Mr. and Mrs. Doolittle—true saints of God. Mrs. Doolittle had been bedridden for nigh twenty years. Her husband was an incurable cripple who had to propel himself to and from his business in a wheel chair. Despite their afflictions, they lived happy Christian lives, bringing inspiration and comfort to all who knew them. One day while we were visiting with the Doolittles, my husband commented on their bright hopefulness and asked them for the secret of it. Mrs. Doolittle's reply was simple: "His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me." The beauty of this simple expression of boundless faith gripped the hearts and fired the imagination of Dr. Martin and me. The hymn "His Eye Is on the Sparrow" was the outcome of that experience.
The chorus of the song is this:
"I sing because I'm happy, I sing because I'm free;
For His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me."
Do you know how hard it is to sing "I sing because I'm happy" when you're facing possible cancer and your biggest dream is crashing down around you?
I've sang that song in my head SOOO many times over the last week and I forced myself to smile during that phrase every time.
It helped!
This entire song helped me keep my focus on God and how He cares. It helped me know that He's in control and He'll be with me whatever the future holds.
I still struggled.
I still had fear.
But I also had God.
What is fear?
Fear is the lack of faith.
Have you ever thought about it like that before? I had just heard it phrased that way recently.
There's all sorts of fear... fear for the world, fear for our nation, fear for our lives on a personal level. All of it is lack of faith. It's lack of trusting God with the outcome.
When children get scared at night, where do they run? They run to their parents' room and find comfort in just being near them. The scary thing may still be near, but they have peace knowing their parents are protecting them.
The same goes for us as Children of God.
The scary (fearful) thing is still there but we need to find comfort in the presence of our Father.
The week has been hard.
Waiting is hard.
Something to remember during a time of waiting... Waiting is a trial in itself.
All trials are to help us build our character and become more like Christ.
Whether it's waiting for news like I was or waiting on God's guidance in your life, no matter what you're waiting for, God wants you to learn and grow during that time. He wants you to depend and rest in Him. Having patience is HARD! But God desires that in us.
I was waiting for the results. I was waiting to hear what my future held.
Every time the phone rang my heart would beat fast and I'd get a knot in my stomach.When I would talk about it, I would tear up.
The thought of losing my ability to have kids was so real.
Every thing we had going on, I felt like I had to be fake. I had to appear to be Okay on the surface while just under that was a huge fear. I didn't want to tell everyone about it and yet it was on my mind constantly.
I longed for it to be all over. I wanted to move on to the next step... whatever that was.
I finally got the phone call.
The results came back clear!! PRAISE THE LORD!
I still need to keep an eye on things and there's still issues that need to be figured out. I'm not out of the woods as far as possibly not being able to have kids on my own BUT that hope still exists. At this point, there's still that option. That is such a great feeling!
There's still decisions to be made and things to consider. But God has kept the door open.
I wanted to write all of this while the feelings and emotions of the last week were still fresh. I don't think it's ever going to be possible to completely forget what I felt, thought and learned during this trial but I know the freshness will diminish some. Time may heal all wounds but the memory will always exist.
I looked fear straight on.
I wasn't successful the entire time. It wasn't easy by any means!
As I said, the whole experience is indescribable. Unless you have been through something similar, you won't be able to fully grasp it. It's hard for me to describe all the feelings and emotions that happened.
Maybe some of you can relate to that.
Fear and peace seemed to fight against each other. I don't want to relive it. And I pray I never have to.
But I know HE watches me... and I can cast all my cares, fears and worries on Him.
Monday, April 8, 2013
I sneezed and it caused me to spill my coffee
Do you ever have one of those days where everything seems to go wrong?
Lately for me, it's like I have at least one of those days once a week.
The weather is finally getting nice outside and so the kids are going crazy. They're bouncing off the walls.
Earlier in the month, a ball was kicked inside my house and it broke the light's shade on the ceiling. It was a day that I had extra kids. There were 15 kids in my basement plus my husband and step-son!
But guess what?.. at that particular moment, all the kids were playing near the wall. Not a single one was hit by glass! God protected us in that case!
It was also nice that my husband happened to be there. A lot of times he has things to do when he gets off work. That day he was there and even in the basement. So while I picked up the big pieces of glass and dealt with the kid that kicked the ball, he ran to get the vacuum and got the rest of the glass.
I remember that in the moment I thought "what else could happen today" but right now I don't remember all the little things that probably happened before that.
The next week was Spring Break so I expected it to be a little crazier. But the way the week started was unexpected. I had just gotten the kids lunch and was in the kitchen making my own sandwich. A little girl came in with tears and just waving her arms like "come here. come here. come here!" Thinking someone may be choking, I ran in. Well.. her brother had gotten sick. Not only all over himself but the little guy next to him as well. Ugh.
It's always a hassle cleaning up messes whether it's glass or throw up but there's so much more going on when it's someone getting sick. Not only do you have to clean up the actual mess but you have to clean up the child AND make sure the other kids don't make the mess worse. The whole room needs to stop moving (which rarely happens). You have kids that ask several times what happened. You have kids that (amazingly) have finished eating and want to know what we're going to do next. You have the child that got sick and making sure they don't do it again. You have to make sure you're calling one of his parents to come get them. And in this particular moment, I had a little girl freaking out at the whole experience.
It's one of the moments where you feel like screaming and yet have to appear calm so the kids stay calm.
To add to it this particular day, I was having my cycle and was in a lot of pain. It's amazing how that seems to diminish when your body goes into overdrive. But then is worse when the stress subsides.
This past week has just been plain stressful. But there was still one day that sticks out more than others. The kids were bouncing off the wall even more so. They were arguing and tattling more than normal. It was one of those mornings where I didn't get to drink my coffee until later.
I had my coffee in hand and I sneezed. Yep, the coffee spilt over the top. It was as if I was in a car and hit a big bump. It's one of those moments where I say "are you kidding me?"
The kids always make me laugh at this point. They come over wanting to know what's wrong and what happened and if I'm mad. haha.
Later that day, a child knocked a picture off my shelf. Again, I have broken glass. At this point, the week had been so stressful and the day seemed so long, I just shrugged it off. I had the "okay. why not?" type of attitude.
Was the day over? Nope.
It was almost closing time and I only had a few kids left. I had been upstairs talking to a parent and downstairs the kids were getting in trouble. One ended up crying and needing an ice pack.
Working with kids is just asking for these kinds of days. It's never dull.
But I'm sure that a lot of you feel like you have these kinds of days whether it's dealing with children or not.
There's a lot more that I could tell you that's happened over the last few weeks but those were the highlights.
As I look back, I laugh.
I laugh at how crazy life has been. I laugh at how the kids react to different things and how they still talk about some of the things that happened. I laugh at how it seems like when one thing happens, something else does too.
My mom handed me a note the day before my coffee spilled, the picture broke and a child needed an ice pack. What she had written wasn't about anything going on but the paper had something printed on it. It said "When life becomes a roller coaster, raise your hands and enjoy the ride".
It's hard to laugh in the moment. But after we deal with the mess and anyone involved, we need to move on and laugh about it.
Life happens.
Life is eventful.
Laugh and enjoy the ride!
And when you're going to sneeze... set your coffee down first. :)
Lately for me, it's like I have at least one of those days once a week.
The weather is finally getting nice outside and so the kids are going crazy. They're bouncing off the walls.
Earlier in the month, a ball was kicked inside my house and it broke the light's shade on the ceiling. It was a day that I had extra kids. There were 15 kids in my basement plus my husband and step-son!
But guess what?.. at that particular moment, all the kids were playing near the wall. Not a single one was hit by glass! God protected us in that case!
It was also nice that my husband happened to be there. A lot of times he has things to do when he gets off work. That day he was there and even in the basement. So while I picked up the big pieces of glass and dealt with the kid that kicked the ball, he ran to get the vacuum and got the rest of the glass.
I remember that in the moment I thought "what else could happen today" but right now I don't remember all the little things that probably happened before that.
The next week was Spring Break so I expected it to be a little crazier. But the way the week started was unexpected. I had just gotten the kids lunch and was in the kitchen making my own sandwich. A little girl came in with tears and just waving her arms like "come here. come here. come here!" Thinking someone may be choking, I ran in. Well.. her brother had gotten sick. Not only all over himself but the little guy next to him as well. Ugh.
It's always a hassle cleaning up messes whether it's glass or throw up but there's so much more going on when it's someone getting sick. Not only do you have to clean up the actual mess but you have to clean up the child AND make sure the other kids don't make the mess worse. The whole room needs to stop moving (which rarely happens). You have kids that ask several times what happened. You have kids that (amazingly) have finished eating and want to know what we're going to do next. You have the child that got sick and making sure they don't do it again. You have to make sure you're calling one of his parents to come get them. And in this particular moment, I had a little girl freaking out at the whole experience.
It's one of the moments where you feel like screaming and yet have to appear calm so the kids stay calm.
To add to it this particular day, I was having my cycle and was in a lot of pain. It's amazing how that seems to diminish when your body goes into overdrive. But then is worse when the stress subsides.
This past week has just been plain stressful. But there was still one day that sticks out more than others. The kids were bouncing off the wall even more so. They were arguing and tattling more than normal. It was one of those mornings where I didn't get to drink my coffee until later.
I had my coffee in hand and I sneezed. Yep, the coffee spilt over the top. It was as if I was in a car and hit a big bump. It's one of those moments where I say "are you kidding me?"
The kids always make me laugh at this point. They come over wanting to know what's wrong and what happened and if I'm mad. haha.
Later that day, a child knocked a picture off my shelf. Again, I have broken glass. At this point, the week had been so stressful and the day seemed so long, I just shrugged it off. I had the "okay. why not?" type of attitude.
Was the day over? Nope.
It was almost closing time and I only had a few kids left. I had been upstairs talking to a parent and downstairs the kids were getting in trouble. One ended up crying and needing an ice pack.
Working with kids is just asking for these kinds of days. It's never dull.
But I'm sure that a lot of you feel like you have these kinds of days whether it's dealing with children or not.
There's a lot more that I could tell you that's happened over the last few weeks but those were the highlights.
As I look back, I laugh.
I laugh at how crazy life has been. I laugh at how the kids react to different things and how they still talk about some of the things that happened. I laugh at how it seems like when one thing happens, something else does too.
My mom handed me a note the day before my coffee spilled, the picture broke and a child needed an ice pack. What she had written wasn't about anything going on but the paper had something printed on it. It said "When life becomes a roller coaster, raise your hands and enjoy the ride".
It's hard to laugh in the moment. But after we deal with the mess and anyone involved, we need to move on and laugh about it.
Life happens.
Life is eventful.
Laugh and enjoy the ride!
And when you're going to sneeze... set your coffee down first. :)
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Between Sundays
I love to read.
I don't do it often because once I get into a good book, that's all I do. I typically finish a book in two days. But recently I read a book my mom recommended.
It's called Between Sundays by Karen Kingsbury. This is the first book I've read from this author although I hear about her all the time.
The book is about a couple NFL players and a foster boy. I won't go into the details of the book but I highly recommend it... especially if you love football like I do.
The NFL player that's a Christian makes the point that it doesn't matter what kind of player they are or whether they win or lose a game, it's what happens between Sundays that counts.
Isn't that true?
Think of it it terms of football players. If there's a guy that's extremely talented but then during the week he's in the news for being involved in drunk driving, domestic abuse or a shooting, I lose all respect for them. I don't care how good of a player they are.
The same goes for us as Christians. It's between Sundays that counts.
We can go to church every Sunday but if we don't live out our lives in the same manner, it doesn't count.
I'm not saying church isn't important. Yes, we all should be actively involved in a church family. It should be something we do every week and not just when we feel like it or because it's a holiday season. It should even be something that we attend all the meetings of the church and not just Sunday.
BUT... that's another point for another time...
Right now I want to talk about between Sundays.
We go to church to fellowship and worship God. It is a very special time and privilege that we have. We need to realize that we should be worshipping and honoring God in all that we do every day. It's not just a weekly check up.
It's a daily walk of life!
If I'm spending my time outside of church doing things that aren't pleasing to Him, what are people going to remember? Are they thinking 'well, she goes to church so that's her priority'? Or are they thinking 'she does all this other stuff and church is just to make her feel better'?
If, in that lifestyle, I try to witness to people.. to tell them about how important God is to me, then what do I become? A hypocrite!
My whole life.. on Sundays and between them.. should honor God. It should tell the world where my priorities lie and what is truly important to me.
Are you living out your relationship with God? Are you going to church and then forgetting what you learned the rest of the week?
Where is your relationship with God.... between Sundays?
I don't do it often because once I get into a good book, that's all I do. I typically finish a book in two days. But recently I read a book my mom recommended.
It's called Between Sundays by Karen Kingsbury. This is the first book I've read from this author although I hear about her all the time.
The book is about a couple NFL players and a foster boy. I won't go into the details of the book but I highly recommend it... especially if you love football like I do.
The NFL player that's a Christian makes the point that it doesn't matter what kind of player they are or whether they win or lose a game, it's what happens between Sundays that counts.
Isn't that true?
Think of it it terms of football players. If there's a guy that's extremely talented but then during the week he's in the news for being involved in drunk driving, domestic abuse or a shooting, I lose all respect for them. I don't care how good of a player they are.
The same goes for us as Christians. It's between Sundays that counts.
We can go to church every Sunday but if we don't live out our lives in the same manner, it doesn't count.
I'm not saying church isn't important. Yes, we all should be actively involved in a church family. It should be something we do every week and not just when we feel like it or because it's a holiday season. It should even be something that we attend all the meetings of the church and not just Sunday.
BUT... that's another point for another time...
Right now I want to talk about between Sundays.
We go to church to fellowship and worship God. It is a very special time and privilege that we have. We need to realize that we should be worshipping and honoring God in all that we do every day. It's not just a weekly check up.
It's a daily walk of life!
If I'm spending my time outside of church doing things that aren't pleasing to Him, what are people going to remember? Are they thinking 'well, she goes to church so that's her priority'? Or are they thinking 'she does all this other stuff and church is just to make her feel better'?
If, in that lifestyle, I try to witness to people.. to tell them about how important God is to me, then what do I become? A hypocrite!
My whole life.. on Sundays and between them.. should honor God. It should tell the world where my priorities lie and what is truly important to me.
Are you living out your relationship with God? Are you going to church and then forgetting what you learned the rest of the week?
Where is your relationship with God.... between Sundays?
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Our wedding!!
A couple days ago was Valentine's Day.
The day before that was our 7 months anniversary.
So I figured it's a good week to write about our wedding. :)
I'm a stereotypical girl to where I've been planning my wedding since I was little. A lot of things were different but I was still very pleased with how everything turned out.
Let's start with the date. July 13, 2012.... FRIDAY, July 13th.
Choosing this date goes back quite a few years. My aunt and uncle were married on a Friday the 13th only it was in August. Then my dad and mom were married on a Friday the 13th, in August. With that lead, my other aunt and uncle wanted to get married on the same date. Theirs didn't hit on a Friday though. It was a Monday. lol.
Then we jump quite a few years. My older sister was married on Saturday, May 16th. (pretty close to 13). My oldest sister was married Saturday, June 13th. And my younger sister got married on Saturday, April 26th. (13 plus 13)
The number 13 may seem unlucky to some but it works for us! This year those anniversaries will be 47 years, 42 years, 40 years, 15 years, 15 years and 10 years. We're in good company.
I chose July for a reason too. If you look back at those months we have April, May, June and August. July needed to be in the running too. I would have gotten married even if it didn't land on a Friday but I feel it's pretty neat that it did. :)
There were a few other things that I wanted that were unique. One thing that was very important to me was our programs. I wanted to be like a little book. It told the order of ceremony and who was a part of the wedding party, of course. But it also told our story of how we met and our engagement story. We had the words of the songs in there as well.
Here's Our Story and Our Engagement as it was in the program:
Nate
and Amanda first met in High School freshman year when Bridgewater/Fontanelle
and Greenfield joined schools.
They never dated but were friends.
Nate played football, and Amanda was a cheerleader. Ironically, Amanda wore Nate’s football
jersey for her Powder Puff game their Senior Year.
After
High School, life led them down different paths. However, they seemed to run into each other at several
community events. At one point,
Nate had heard Amanda was back for Christmas and called to see if she wanted to
hang out. Having been in a car
accident and not feeling well, Amanda declined the offer.
Nate
and Amanda ran into each other again at a friend’s funeral. Amanda had moved back to Greenfield so
Nate got her involved with planning their ten year class reunion. During that time Nate and Amanda started
becoming friends again.
February
5, 2010, Nate and Amanda went on their first date as more than friends. They had a wonderful time eating at
Amanda’s favorite restaurant, Olive Garden. Then they went miniature golfing and showed their
competitive spirits. They ended
the evening by just talking together at Starbucks.
That
was the beginning of their relationship. They’ve spent a lot of time together
doing things they both love… watching football, being outdoors, leading youth
group, and so much more. They were even able to take a trip to Boston with
Amanda’s parents and aunts and uncles.
They’ve
always strived to do things as a family with Brady and Noah. They love going to
the pool together, riding bikes together and having a family outing to the zoo
with their friends. April 20, 2011, Nate took Amanda to
Meadow Lake and tried to teach her to skip rocks as they had done on many
occasions. When Amanda turned
toward Nate expecting him to give her another rock, he was down on one knee.
Amanda
said, “Are you serious? You’d
better not be joking! Are you
being serious?” Since she wouldn’t
let Nate get a word in, he just held up the ring. She then covered her mouth with her hands and whispered,
“Sorry!” feeling like she had ruined Nate’s moment.
Nate
was finally able to ask Amanda to marry him. Of course, she said, “Yes!”
They
will forever remember that moment.
Now
today, July 13, 2012, Nate and Amanda will become husband and wife –
Mr.
& Mrs. Hilpipre.
Now that you have the background of the date and how we met... let's get to the best day of my life. :)
We were having an evening wedding so I didn't have to get up too early. I had my hair done and then headed to get ready at the church in the early afternoon.
My mom and my friend were very big in my getting ready process.
My other friend was a big part of my day as well!!
I show you this picture so you can kind of see the back of my hair. I had been growing it out but it wasn't as long as I had hoped. I couldn't do an updo or a veil because of my headache so I chopped my hair a week before the wedding. I have naturally curly hair so we kept that going in the back.
I LOVED IT!!!
Those three ladies were the ones who kept me calm and relaxed before the pictures and ceremony began.
OH WAIT!! lol
I had always thought that I'd do the pictures after the ceremony because I wanted the first time my husband saw me was when I walked down the aisle. As I got older and experienced more weddings, I decided to change that and go ahead and do the pictures beforehand. But we still had a moment to ourselves of the first time he saw me.
I loved his reaction although a picture could never capture it fully. :)
Thus began a couple of hours of picture taking.
This is our bridesmaids, groom's attendants and ring bearer.
We also had a Miniature Bridal of our 14 nieces and nephews!!
This was something else unique that was important to me. I love kids. I love my nieces and nephews. I knew that they wanted to be a part of this day as much as I did. I loved the way they looked and it all turned out!
Our first family picture.
My Family
Nate's dad's side Family
Nate's mom's side Family
My sisters and I are very close. I loved having them share in this special day with me. I will always treasure this picture.
I now have another sister. Nate's only full sibling. :)
I wanted to incorporate so many areas of my life. These are our youth group boys. They were our ushers and sound guy. I'm not sure they were thrilled to have to dress up and be a part of our wedding but we enjoyed having them there. They're a good group and this picture describes us pretty well.
The ceremony was in our chapel. My dad and brother-in-law (the electrician) figured out a why to make my vision a reality. The lights were strung up over wire and plugged directly into the lights. The light bulbs were loosened so that when the switch was turned on only the Christmas lights turned on. This was so that our only lighting was the fancy lights AND so we didn't have a bunch of extension cords hanging around the walls.
It was great!
All the prelude music was instrumental Disney songs. The processional music was also all Disney. The grandparents and parents walked in to So Close from Enchanted. The nieces and nephews danced in with That's How You Know from Enchanted. The bridesmaids and ring bearer walked in to Can You Feel the Love Tonight? from Lion King. And my dad walked me down the aisle to I See the Light from Tangled.
During the ceremony we had two songs. Bless the Broken Road by Selah and When I Say I Do by Matthew West. Those are the songs we had the words to in the program.
The recessional was more upbeat music. After we were introduced to the audience, we walked out to I'm a Believer by the Monkees. Then the next song connected us back to the Disney theme. It was Ever Ever After from Enchanted sung by Carrie Underwood.
My two favorite men! My dad and husband!
We had the honor of having my dad officiate our wedding.
Our reception was in the newly refurbished Opera House. We were the first wedding event there. My dad has been highly involved with this project for years and so it was great that it was finished in time for us to do this!
There were several things about our reception that was unique and again, important to me.
I LOVE chocolate so we had a dessert reception.
Cupcakes for everybody's choice of flavors...
with little signs that connected the Disney theme.
There was a Candy Bar.
And notice that it's not all chocolate for those crazy people that don't like chocolate. ;)
And a chocolate fountain!
I actually had a three of these.
One with milk chocolate, one with dark chocolate and one with white chocolate.
What are we waiting for here?
Our chocolate ice cream and Pepsi float!
We also had a more traditional fruit punch/sprite mixture for those people who aren't very daring and are no fun! lol. JUST KIDDING!
Our float actually was a hit! :)
M&Ms are my favorite candy so our wedding favors were in our colors.
Our cake covered with perfectly symmetrical M&Ms.
Again, since I love kids, knew there was going to be a lot of kids attending AND that they'd be on a sugar high, I had paper covering the tables and crayons in little jars to keep them entertained. :)
One other table had a picture of each of our grandparents' and parents' weddings.
Our family and where we come from is very important to us.
We were whisked away to a honeymoon in the Dominican Republic!
That's it! That's our wedding! People seemed to have a good time and we got a lot of compliments on a lot of our unique touches. It was a wonderful day and a beautiful beginning to our life together.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
10 years
10 years.
A decade.
What happens in that time?
Think about 10 years ago.
What were you doing? How did you act? What were your priorities?
Ten years ago I was 23.
Last Sunday we were talking about getting older and age. We were saying what age we'd like to be again. I said I'd love to be 23 again BUT with the knowledge and wisdom I have now. I don't want to relive those 10 years but if I could keep what I know now, I think those years would have been a lot different.
What's significant about my age of 23?
That's when my headache started. 10 years ago this month.
Every February I spend a lot of time rethinking when my headache started. Can you imagine having pain for 10 years?!? I can barely imagine it and I'm going through it! haha.
At the age of 23, most people are graduating from college or starting their career. Some are married and having kids.
Me?
I was starting something that would change my life forever.
When I think about all that's happened with just my headache, here's what I come up with...
It started horrible. Of course, at that time, I had no idea that it'd be a constant pain. One that would never go away. I was going to doctors constantly. I was barely functioning. Work would send me home quite often.
To add to just the pain, I was on lots of medications. Some that affected my brain.. like not remembering how to tie a shoe.
That was 2003 and it continued to 2004.
During that time, I was trying more extensive things like going to our state's best hospital and going to Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. I was on more medications. Some that made me act drunk and say things that I would NEVER say in my normal mind.
Those two years were the worst, as to be expected.
2005 wasn't so bad... as far as my headache. I had some life issues that year but we'll get to that.
I didn't have to go to the doctor as much that year. Well, I should rephrase that. I plain didn't go to the doctor. After so long, you realize that medicine is not fun and want to just learn to manage and live with the pain. This is all with God's help of course! Couldn't do any of this without Him!
As it turns out, it was good I didn't go to doctors for my headache in 2005 because in 2006, I applied for health insurance and they didn't consider my headache as a pre-existing condition since it had been a year since seeing a doctor. I had other conditions they didn't cover but my headache wasn't one of them!
I wouldn't realize how big that was until 2012.
In 2006, I went through a really bad time of having an actual migraine for weeks. I would stay in the dark as long as I could and if I was around light, I'd have my sunglasses on. I moved like an old person and had no energy. People that hadn't heard about my struggle prior to this were really concerned with how I looked and acted. I gradually got better.
From 2007 to 2011, I don't remember anything significant as far as my headache. I'd have good days and bad days. Over that time, I'd learn what my triggers are and how to live life. I'd learn how to put a smile on my face and keep getting out of bed. The bad days are still bad, but it's a mental battle as much as a physical one.
The only testing I remember doing during that time was a sleep study. I also tried acupuncture and other things along those lines. OH! I tried braces as well to correct my jaw. I could pull out my HUGE medical file and look but that just depresses me. :)
Jan 1st, 2012 wasn't fun. I had a migraine. Little did I know at that point that I'd be going to doctors all over again. I went through testing and medications again. I was getting dizzy and losing my balance. For a time, I wasn't driving because it would not have been safe for me to be behind the wheel. I went through all of this until about May or June. Then I decided I had had enough and started to wean myself off all medication.
The rest of the year went better with my headache. But I had a lot of stomach issues. I don't know if all the medication is connected or not. I've always known that I carry my emotions and stress in my stomach but I'm not handling it as well as I used to. In October I got a pain in my side that I still struggle with. I found out in the middle of December that it was the makings of a ulcer. The hole isn't there yet, but I was working on it. I still have to watch what I eat and drink and am still on medication. I only connect that with my headache because like I said, I don't know if all the medicine in the beginning of 2012 made my stomach weak.
OR maybe all the medicine I've taken for 10 years has made my stomach weak!
10 years is a big milestone. So as I think back through these years, I don't want to just focus on the roller-coaster of my headache. I want to think about where I've come from, how I've changed, and maybe how my headache positively affected me.
Last month my family and I were playing a game called Oh Really! It's a great game that we love to play with all sorts of different crowds. It's a game about priorities. There's five words that you have to put in order of how important they are to you. Everyone else is trying to guess the order that you'd put them in. You really learn a lot about people playing this game.
When it was my turn for everyone to guess my priorities, one of the words was 'Pain'. Hmm.. interesting that that word came up for me. I had to think about it for a bit. I honestly can't remember what the other four words were. Sometimes the words are as silly as 'Spoons' and other times they're big ones like 'Faith'.
I decided to put Pain on the top or close to it. My sister was surprised by that but my dad wasn't.
Pain is important to me. It has shaped my life over the last 10 years. Some of it negatively.. sure. But there's positive things as well.
Let's go back to 2003...
Actually, I need to start in 2002 just briefly. That year was a hard year on my family. We went through 7 family deaths including my sister's miscarriage. During that time, I had made the decision to move with my friend where she was going to go to college.
I had tons of fun living with her and loved the job I had while there. But I also struggled a lot with staying on track with God. We didn't go to church regularly and when we did it was to a mega-church that was more to just say we went than to be held accountable to anybody... especially God.
The very day we moved was my first migraine. That was September of 2002. It didn't become constant until February.
I can completely and confidently say that my headache brought me back to God and moved me away from there. I decided to go back to college. I had quit college saying I would never go back there. My headache changed that.
It's a small college and when I went back on the first day one professor was shocked to see me. He pointed out that I had told him I would never be back. I had the opportunity to explain to him what had caused my attitude to change.
My headache.
Those two years were hard dealing with this new pain and also trying to do school. There were times I had to drop classes and figure out how I was going to graduate. This was a Bible college and they were VERY supportive for me during this time. I wouldn't have gotten that grace anywhere else.
In 2005, I graduated. This was the year that I mentioned I didn't have much problems with my headache but my life had some ups and downs. A guy that I thought I would marry broke up with me BUT I moved into a house with a great group of girls. Most of whom are still my best friends. I had slight carbon monoxide poisoning and also was in a car accident. It was an eventful year but my headache took it all in stride. I think that year proved to me that my headache didn't control my life. Life is life and that's that.
Early 2006 is when I moved back home. It took a little bit to find my place here. I was working at a bank when I got that migraine that didn't leave for weeks. I ended up losing that job because of it. BUT because of that, I started babysitting in my parents' home later that year.
Now look at me.
I have a very successful business of doing something I love! People think I'm crazy to watch kids when I have a constant headache but they don't take into consideration two things.
1. God. God gives me daily strength. It's impossible to give Him all the credit He deserves.
2. I LOVE kids. Kids are what cheer me up! They make me laugh and smile and just enjoy my day. We have days where they aren't so great to be around but that would happen whether I had a headache or not.
What else has changed in my life?
I'm married to a wonderful man who takes care of me when my headache is bad. (ironically, he just came home from work with a really bad headache) He and the boys have seen me at my worst where I can't move or open my eyes because it hurts so bad. This man, even though he'll throw up if he sees or smells it, comes into the bathroom even in the middle of the night while I'm getting sick. My husband keeps me on track when I get discouraged and cheers me on when I'm having a good day.
My headache affects my life in a lot of ways. It doesn't control my life but it's part of what keeps me on track. It keeps me daily leaning on God where otherwise I may get foolish and think I'm in control.
I have gone from saying "I have a bad headache" to "My headache is bad".
I'm not sure if I'll ever not have a headache. And I'm fairly confident that even if I didn't have daily pain, I'll always be sensitive to lights and sounds and needing sleep.
That's okay because I have God and 10 years of training.
A decade.
What happens in that time?
Think about 10 years ago.
What were you doing? How did you act? What were your priorities?
Ten years ago I was 23.
Last Sunday we were talking about getting older and age. We were saying what age we'd like to be again. I said I'd love to be 23 again BUT with the knowledge and wisdom I have now. I don't want to relive those 10 years but if I could keep what I know now, I think those years would have been a lot different.
What's significant about my age of 23?
That's when my headache started. 10 years ago this month.
Every February I spend a lot of time rethinking when my headache started. Can you imagine having pain for 10 years?!? I can barely imagine it and I'm going through it! haha.
At the age of 23, most people are graduating from college or starting their career. Some are married and having kids.
Me?
I was starting something that would change my life forever.
When I think about all that's happened with just my headache, here's what I come up with...
It started horrible. Of course, at that time, I had no idea that it'd be a constant pain. One that would never go away. I was going to doctors constantly. I was barely functioning. Work would send me home quite often.
To add to just the pain, I was on lots of medications. Some that affected my brain.. like not remembering how to tie a shoe.
That was 2003 and it continued to 2004.
During that time, I was trying more extensive things like going to our state's best hospital and going to Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. I was on more medications. Some that made me act drunk and say things that I would NEVER say in my normal mind.
Those two years were the worst, as to be expected.
2005 wasn't so bad... as far as my headache. I had some life issues that year but we'll get to that.
I didn't have to go to the doctor as much that year. Well, I should rephrase that. I plain didn't go to the doctor. After so long, you realize that medicine is not fun and want to just learn to manage and live with the pain. This is all with God's help of course! Couldn't do any of this without Him!
As it turns out, it was good I didn't go to doctors for my headache in 2005 because in 2006, I applied for health insurance and they didn't consider my headache as a pre-existing condition since it had been a year since seeing a doctor. I had other conditions they didn't cover but my headache wasn't one of them!
I wouldn't realize how big that was until 2012.
In 2006, I went through a really bad time of having an actual migraine for weeks. I would stay in the dark as long as I could and if I was around light, I'd have my sunglasses on. I moved like an old person and had no energy. People that hadn't heard about my struggle prior to this were really concerned with how I looked and acted. I gradually got better.
From 2007 to 2011, I don't remember anything significant as far as my headache. I'd have good days and bad days. Over that time, I'd learn what my triggers are and how to live life. I'd learn how to put a smile on my face and keep getting out of bed. The bad days are still bad, but it's a mental battle as much as a physical one.
The only testing I remember doing during that time was a sleep study. I also tried acupuncture and other things along those lines. OH! I tried braces as well to correct my jaw. I could pull out my HUGE medical file and look but that just depresses me. :)
Jan 1st, 2012 wasn't fun. I had a migraine. Little did I know at that point that I'd be going to doctors all over again. I went through testing and medications again. I was getting dizzy and losing my balance. For a time, I wasn't driving because it would not have been safe for me to be behind the wheel. I went through all of this until about May or June. Then I decided I had had enough and started to wean myself off all medication.
The rest of the year went better with my headache. But I had a lot of stomach issues. I don't know if all the medication is connected or not. I've always known that I carry my emotions and stress in my stomach but I'm not handling it as well as I used to. In October I got a pain in my side that I still struggle with. I found out in the middle of December that it was the makings of a ulcer. The hole isn't there yet, but I was working on it. I still have to watch what I eat and drink and am still on medication. I only connect that with my headache because like I said, I don't know if all the medicine in the beginning of 2012 made my stomach weak.
OR maybe all the medicine I've taken for 10 years has made my stomach weak!
10 years is a big milestone. So as I think back through these years, I don't want to just focus on the roller-coaster of my headache. I want to think about where I've come from, how I've changed, and maybe how my headache positively affected me.
Last month my family and I were playing a game called Oh Really! It's a great game that we love to play with all sorts of different crowds. It's a game about priorities. There's five words that you have to put in order of how important they are to you. Everyone else is trying to guess the order that you'd put them in. You really learn a lot about people playing this game.
When it was my turn for everyone to guess my priorities, one of the words was 'Pain'. Hmm.. interesting that that word came up for me. I had to think about it for a bit. I honestly can't remember what the other four words were. Sometimes the words are as silly as 'Spoons' and other times they're big ones like 'Faith'.
I decided to put Pain on the top or close to it. My sister was surprised by that but my dad wasn't.
Pain is important to me. It has shaped my life over the last 10 years. Some of it negatively.. sure. But there's positive things as well.
Let's go back to 2003...
Actually, I need to start in 2002 just briefly. That year was a hard year on my family. We went through 7 family deaths including my sister's miscarriage. During that time, I had made the decision to move with my friend where she was going to go to college.
I had tons of fun living with her and loved the job I had while there. But I also struggled a lot with staying on track with God. We didn't go to church regularly and when we did it was to a mega-church that was more to just say we went than to be held accountable to anybody... especially God.
The very day we moved was my first migraine. That was September of 2002. It didn't become constant until February.
I can completely and confidently say that my headache brought me back to God and moved me away from there. I decided to go back to college. I had quit college saying I would never go back there. My headache changed that.
It's a small college and when I went back on the first day one professor was shocked to see me. He pointed out that I had told him I would never be back. I had the opportunity to explain to him what had caused my attitude to change.
My headache.
Those two years were hard dealing with this new pain and also trying to do school. There were times I had to drop classes and figure out how I was going to graduate. This was a Bible college and they were VERY supportive for me during this time. I wouldn't have gotten that grace anywhere else.
In 2005, I graduated. This was the year that I mentioned I didn't have much problems with my headache but my life had some ups and downs. A guy that I thought I would marry broke up with me BUT I moved into a house with a great group of girls. Most of whom are still my best friends. I had slight carbon monoxide poisoning and also was in a car accident. It was an eventful year but my headache took it all in stride. I think that year proved to me that my headache didn't control my life. Life is life and that's that.
Early 2006 is when I moved back home. It took a little bit to find my place here. I was working at a bank when I got that migraine that didn't leave for weeks. I ended up losing that job because of it. BUT because of that, I started babysitting in my parents' home later that year.
Now look at me.
I have a very successful business of doing something I love! People think I'm crazy to watch kids when I have a constant headache but they don't take into consideration two things.
1. God. God gives me daily strength. It's impossible to give Him all the credit He deserves.
2. I LOVE kids. Kids are what cheer me up! They make me laugh and smile and just enjoy my day. We have days where they aren't so great to be around but that would happen whether I had a headache or not.
What else has changed in my life?
I'm married to a wonderful man who takes care of me when my headache is bad. (ironically, he just came home from work with a really bad headache) He and the boys have seen me at my worst where I can't move or open my eyes because it hurts so bad. This man, even though he'll throw up if he sees or smells it, comes into the bathroom even in the middle of the night while I'm getting sick. My husband keeps me on track when I get discouraged and cheers me on when I'm having a good day.
My headache affects my life in a lot of ways. It doesn't control my life but it's part of what keeps me on track. It keeps me daily leaning on God where otherwise I may get foolish and think I'm in control.
I have gone from saying "I have a bad headache" to "My headache is bad".
I'm not sure if I'll ever not have a headache. And I'm fairly confident that even if I didn't have daily pain, I'll always be sensitive to lights and sounds and needing sleep.
That's okay because I have God and 10 years of training.
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