This Season

Did any of you accept my challenge in my last post? (1000 things to be thankful for)

It was hard, wasn't it? I'll admit that I only got to about 200. But I learned something in the process.
Actually.. I learned a couple things.

1. There are so many things in my life that I take for granted. Breathing is one.
Another one is heat. I've been reading a lot of novels set in the 1800s. Think about their winters and how they couldn't just come in from the cold and feel a warm house, they had to start a fire and wait for it to get them warm.
Our new van has heated seats. I can't wait to get that thing warm! How much do I appreciate it?
Those people traveled in wagons or walked. Sometimes it was easier in a sleigh because of the runners but so much colder because they were in the wind more.
One book talked about how they used dried cow pies as fuel in the fire. Can you imagine going out and gathering dried cow pies? Ugh!!
I hate the cold and I'm not fond of winter so I am really thankful for heat!!

There's so many more things that I take for granted and writing them down and focusing on all of our blessings helped put a lot of things into perspective.

2. The other thing I learned that really sticks out to me is how it was hard to write what I'm thankful for about some people. Sounds horrible, right? There's a lot of people I'm thankful for but why? Is it just because they're a day care parent, for example, or is there something special about them?
No, I didn't just list every single person I've ever met in my life and tried to be thankful for them but there's certain people that are a big part of my life that I enjoyed trying to find something worthwhile. Although I'll admit it was the case for some, it wasn't always because the person might get on my nerves more often than not. For some I felt like I take their presence for granted.
For example, my uncle Ron. I love him and would be devastated if he passed away but what specifically am I thankful for with him? For other people certain things stick out like their generosity, sense of humor, strength in trials, their faith, etc. For Ron, nothing big stuck out, he's not a dominate personality.. especially when all of us are together. He's the most quiet! But I AM thankful for him in my life. Just because he's married to my aunt? No. That's not it.
So why? What am I thankful for?
I'm thankful that he genuinely cares, that if I sit down in the room where he's reading, he'll set his book down and talk. I'm thankful that he's easy to talk to. I'm thankful that he adds a different sense of humor to our group. :)
That was just an example of REALLY thinking about people in my life and what I appreciate about them. It was good for me.

Now we're fully into the Christmas season.

This time of year is hard for me. I always loved it as a kid and even young adulthood. It wasn't the presents as much as getting together with family. Really, that is what I loved (and still do).
When I think about Christmases years ago that is the first thing that comes to mind. Both sets of grandparents, great-aunt and great-uncle, aunt and uncle, parents, and sisters gathering around the dining room table enjoying Christmas dinner together. On the Cannon side, we were the only kids but we enjoyed the adults. Too many of those people have passed away now.
On the Stowell side, we had six cousins. It was also a fun day to spend with them on the Saturday before Christmas.
After Thanksgiving, we'd decorate the Christmas tree as a family. We'd have music playing and for the most part our own ornaments to put on. Then we'd put other decorations around the house. At the end, we'd sit and have hot chocolate.
Another tradition of ours was to get together with another family and go drive around looking at Christmas lights. We'd ooh and ahh over the different looks on houses. There was one house where we'd actually stop and roll down the window to hear soft Christmas music playing.

Some of that I still enjoy like Christmas songs, Christmas movies and Christmas baking. We still get together with as much family as possible and my husband and I drove around last night looking at lights.
Some people have passed on but obviously our family has grown as well. The general things we like to do are still done. So why has my feelings toward the holiday changed?

I've been really pondering that this year.

I honestly don't think I've handled the transition from "child" to "adult" very well... as far as Christmas planning. The whole season stresses me out. Things that I enjoyed before stress me out now.
Buying gifts, decorating the tree, going to Grandma's, wrapping gifts, etc all stress me out now and I have to TRY to enjoy them. I know that part of that is the fact that I have more responsibility with all of those things. I have to be the one that plans out when to do all the things that need to get done.
My grandma's Christmas just stresses me because my grandma is going downhill. I don't want to go into detail on here but I have a very real fear that this will be the last Christmas with her.. if not physically, probably mentally. I could be wrong but that's my fear and how I'm treating this Christmas with her.

Another thing I've noticed about myself is that although I've learned to manage my headache, I've seemed to go backwards on handling stress. Part of that is my health. More and more of my health problems become worse with stress and that alone stresses me out!
Last Christmas season I was a scrooge and it really bothered me that I was. This Christmas season I've been more focused on staying calm and trying to get things done in advance. I've had Christmas shopping done for a month now! And they're all wrapped!

Over the past year though, I've had new symptoms to deal with and I've noticed that I'm getting more and more emotional. I can honestly say I'm worn out on fighting pain and feel tired all the time. I feel like any energy I expend is forced and I feel even more tired after the fact. So even though I'm ahead of the game in so many ways, I'm still struggling with keeping the stress down. I'm not a grinch, I don't think, but definitely emotional.

In the last few weeks I've heard more than once someone say "I don't want this to make your health worse" or "You need to NOT do that because of your health". And it doesn't come from just the same person or even the same two people. That alone makes me tear up. My health right now IS controlling my life. Every day I make decisions based on my health.
I used to push through a lot of it but I physically am not able to anymore.

Over Thanksgiving I did push myself. As I mentioned in my last post, I love Black Friday shopping with my sisters and Mom. I loved that all my sisters were able to come this year! But I spent so much of that day fighting pain; pushing myself to keep going. There was one point that I sat on the floor in Family Christian Store wanting to curl up and just cry.
Since I was a scrooge last year, I tried to not let it affect how I treated the others. I tried to stay calm and have patience. All three of my sisters aren't as decisive as me and if I'm not feeling well or really tired, I end up getting frustrated with them. This year I didn't! (at least I don't feel like I did. I hope they agree!)

This year is especially trying. We have the "regular" Christmas stuff, plus my health, plus my Grandma, plus future decisions we need to make.

I don't want to be a grinch and want only happy memories when January comes.

I'm mindful of my stress level and health.
Then we add my Grandma to the mix. I KNOW that what's going on with her affects my health directly because I hate seeing her like this. I hate the situations that come up with her because I love her so much. People around town may ask me about her and I want to just cry. It's hard. Very hard.

My husband and I also have some big things on our minds and hearts. We're trying to make decisions about houses and jobs. It wears on us. We pray and there doesn't seem to be any real peace or doors open. So we wait. We research and look and then wait some more. Please pray for us.

Actually, now that I think of it. I'm probably handling this season fairly well (all things considering). I'm not bursting with happiness and the "Christmas spirit" like when I was younger but I'm also not angry or grumpy like I have been the last couple of years.
I love to hang out with my family and be around them as much as possible even if I come home and cry from exhaustion.

Again, there's so much to be thankful for. There's so much to focus on this time of year besides our own sorrow and stress.

God sent His Son to this earth. He came from all the heavenly glory to be a baby. Not in a palace or a mansion but to be raised as a carpenter's son. He wasn't treated kindly here for the most part.

He was born once so that we can be born again!

What does that mean?
We all have a physical birth. We also all need to have a spiritual birth. We need to accept Christ as our personal Savior. We need to see that He was born to die for us. He took all of our sins (past, present and future) and died. It's His gift to us. Just as we accept gifts from others, we need to accept this gift as well. I can't imagine a better gift or one that shows nearly as much love!
It's not just a "yes I believe He did that." But it needs to be personal.
There was something that struck me a few months ago. Someone mentioned how Jesus took God's wrath so that we didn't have to. It made me think of my dad. When my dad yelled at one of my sisters, there was nothing that you could do that would make me say "yell at me instead!". But that's what Jesus did. He took the punishment that was ours. Personally.
He took my personal punishment upon Himself and died!
Christmas season really brings us to the cross. His birth is amazing and miraculous and oh so humbling! But He only needed to be born so that He could die. Wow!

Enjoy this season. No matter what is going on in your life. No matter the troubles that face you or pain the season can cause. There is so much joy and comfort in the fact that He came to Earth for us.
Make sure that you also don't get so caught up in the presents and parties that you forget Jesus.

HE's the ONLY reason for the season.

Challenge Accepted

Thanksgiving.

It is probably one of the most overlooked holidays. 

Think about it.. Halloween, Valentine's Day and St. Patrick's Day probably get more attention and commercializing than Thanksgiving. And those aren't even Federal Holidays! Kids don't get out of school for those days!

So what is the deal with Thanksgiving? 

I don't want it to get commercialized, don't get me wrong. I just want us to consider it a little more and not think of it as the day before Black Friday.

We do shop Black Friday. I'll be honest. 

We did it at as a family back when we were kids. That was before it became the bigger deal that it is today. It is creeping into actual Thanksgiving Day and I'll admit that bothers me. We still shop but we go at a "normal" time on Friday. Yes, we miss some of the deals but that's not what it's about for us.

But let's get back to Thanksgiving...

Garfield says that Thanksgiving is the holiday where we get together because we have food to then stuff ourselves with too much food. haha.

That's right in a sense. We do have Thanksgiving because we were thankful for the bountiful harvest and we celebrate it for the most part by getting together with family and having a feast. 

I'm thankful that we do at least get together with family.

But can we do more to acknowledge the holiday than just eat and watch football and then, of course, shop the next day?

My oldest day care kid came in from school one day and said, "Amanda, you can't believe what we have to do!" 

I was intrigued.

They have to write out 1000 things they are thankful for. 

ONE THOUSAND!

That's a lot!

She then asked, "Could you do it?"

Challenge Accepted!

I told her that I would start by writing out specific names rather than just saying "I'm thankful for my family."

I don't think that's cheating. I think we do need to be thankful for specifics. And with it, I'm going to write WHY I'm thankful for that particular person or item. 

Let's keep in mind whom we are thanking. You don't say thank you to nobody. We're thanking God for all He has done and given us. We're thanking Him for how He's provided for our needs.

When I used to be on Facebook, people would write one thing they're thankful for each day in November. I think that's wonderful but that's only 30 things.

Can you do 1000?

That's about 33 things a day for the month of November and we're already 11 days into it!

Can you do it? Is there 1000 things? 

I'm not going to take this lightly. I'm really going to think on all of my blessings. 

I challenge you to join me in this! BE THANKFUL!!

Challenge Accepted?

I Have a Dream

I have a dream.

As most of you know, I long to be a mother. A mother not just to my step-sons but to my very own children. I would love it if it were twins. I've always wanted twins. But let's not even focus on that point. Let's just think about how I'd love to be a mother.

Yes, when my step-sons are here. I am a mother but it's a different kind. Both of them still have their mothers in their lives so I'll always be behind her (as it should be).
I may say "What kind of birthday cake do you want me to make?" I can get the answer "My mom is making a fireman one." I take a deep breath and say "Okay... what would you like me to make?"
Or I may say "I got a new movie that I think you'll like. Should we watch it tonight?" The answer I might get is "Oh, I saw that with my mom. It's good. Yeah, let's watch it."

Both of those scenarios are real. And I know that both boys did not do it on purpose because honestly, they probably don't even know what it does inside of me. AND in both cases, we did end up doing what I'd like to.. I made a fireman cake and we watched the movie.. I just had to go through remembering that I am not their "first" mom first.

Don't get me wrong. I love both of my boys. We have so much fun together and my relationship with each of them has grown so much. If God doesn't have plans for us to have children, I'll be very content helping raise these two.


So what's my point? Where am I going?


I had an analogy pop into my head the other day that I'd like to share.

There's a toy that we got for Christmas one year. We weren't really kids anymore but my mom tended to put fun things in our stockings until the grandkids were born. This one particular toy was a Water Wiggler Toy.
It's hard to describe when you can't see my hand gestures (haha) so here's a link for them.
http://www.partypalooza.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Product_Code=WaterWiggler
It's a toy with water in them and you can't hang onto them very well. In fact here's the description from that website "Just try to keep these things in your hand! They wiggle and slither - terrific fun for all ages! "

Picture this toy as YOUR dream. Think of something you've always wanted or have dreamt about. This isn't just an analogy for me but for all of us.

If you have the toy vertical in your hands and you're trying to squeeze it, it'll just keep falling through your hands. You'll drop it. There is NO way to squeeze onto the toy so that it won't fall. 
Your dream is the same way. The harder we squeeze to hang onto it. The more likely our dream will fall to our feet. We can't hang onto it so tightly.

Now let's make the toy lie horizontal across both palms. Okay... we steady it, we don't move... Yes! We got it to stay put. The water is settled and not sloshing back and forth! Uh oh... I'm hungry. How do I eat and not drop this toy? How can I do anything without putting the toy down?
Alright, we have our dream lying carefully in our hands. We aren't squeezing it as we know that it's fragile. But where's our focus? Our focus is on keeping that dream in OUR hands. We want to keep it in our lives. And with balancing it there, we aren't able to do anything else. God wants us serving and we can't do that if we're holding onto our dream.

What's next? What's the solution? 
We have to give the dream to God. We have to pray and say, "God, this is my dream. This is what I desire. You know my heart and thoughts. I give my dream to You. Can you hang onto it for me? I'll serve You with my hands free. I'll do as You ask. And when the time comes that You can give me my dream, I'll be ready without having wasted time. If you chose not to give it back, please help me with that as well."
Give the toy to God. 

We HAVE to let Him be in charge. So many of us have the head knowledge that God does what is best for us. But a lot of us have a hard time taking it to heart. 
The last part of the prayer is the hardest, I think. When we give God our "toy" we need to not look over our shoulder to see if He's put it on the shelf or if He still has it in His hand as if our dream will come true soon.
Maybe He'll even put it in a trunk, never to come out.

We don't know. The point is that we can't be worried about will my dream come true? Has He closed the door? Is He saying yes, no or maybe?

Our focus needs to be on serving Him now. In the way He has for us now. We have to TRUST Him with our dreams.

God does know our hearts. God does what is the best for us. He's not there keeping our dreams away from us on purpose. 

It's hard. I KNOW it's hard to live life not wondering about if our dreams will come true.
Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 34. (gulp)
It hit me that if I'm not pregnant by January/February, I'll be over 35 when I have a kid... IF I have a kid. That was hard for me to swallow. 
Then I remembered my analogy. It's not in my hands. My hands are busy doing other things for Him. 

Earlier in this post I said "If God doesn't have plans for us to have children, I'll be very content helping raise these two." Does that sound like I have the right attitude? Some may say yes and others may see where I'm going.
That sentence is saying that IF I find out that God won't allow children, THEN I'll be content.
I need to be content now. I need to be okay with the fact that I'm not a mother to my own children right now.
It's hard. I'm not saying it's easy. But it's the right thing to do.
I don't think God is a vindictive God. But maybe He's waiting for us to get some things done first. Maybe there is some way to serve Him now that won't be possible or as easy once a dream comes true. We don't know.

Here's the next thing.
What if God closes that door for your dream completely?
I'm not there yet. If you've read my other posts, you've seen that I've seen the door shutting but it's not latched yet.
I've seen very bitter people because they're still squeezing their dream and God's saying no. If you think you're one of those, I ask you to open yourself up to other possibilities. In Sound of Music the mother of the Abbey says "When God closes a door, He opens a window." (I'm horrible at quoting movies, so that's a paraphrase.)
God wants all of us serving Him in some way. Sometimes that can be a lower scale of your dream. For example, I want kids, I serve in the Sunday School and used to be in charge of the nursery.
But there's a possibility that God wants you to do something completely different. Don't force your dream into a "I'm serving Him" unless it 100% feels like He's guiding You. I've seen people say "this is my gift so this is how I'll serve Him." They don't look around to see what areas need help. Or where they possibly can serve Him better.

All of that gets very complicated and it'd be easier to describe if I knew all of your dreams and how you're dealing with them.

I just ask you to analyze yourself. Analyze your heart and mind. Are you hanging onto your dream tightly? Are you balancing it in your hands, living life around holding onto your dream? Or have you given it to God? And again, not just given it to Him but purposely not looking over your shoulder either.

This is DAILY. It's so hard to keep it right all the time. So don't get discouraged. Just pick yourself up again and give it back to Him.

I have a dream.... but God's in control of it.

Life is an Adventure

Last week was one crazy week!

First let me tell you how my doctor appointment went.
I do not have any of the big diseases!!! YAY!!
He did do a lot more blood work just to confirm that it's not something else that we're all missing. I should hear back about those this week.
He thinks my chest pain is the cartilage between my ribs.

Here's the theory...

I hurt myself or something and I started to have this pain. With that I took a lot of medications and ended up bothering my stomach. My stomach issues, then, caused all my breathing problems.
Right now (for a month) I'm on a prescription anti-inflammatory and two different stomach meds.
We'll see where I'm at in a month.

I still have good days and bad days. There's a lot of things running through my mind but I'm waiting to see what happens. There's no sense in playing the "what if" game when I can't change anything anyway. My husband and I have plans on what we'll do next for different scenarios and I need to just leave it at that. :)

We're thankful that I don't have any of the debilitating diseases that I was facing and taking each day as it comes.


Can I tell you about the other events of the week?

1. Last week it was so hot here that school got out early. This is a bigger deal this year. The kids I had during the day last fall are now in Preschool all day. I have 8 to 12 school kids that come after school! The kids came two hours early Monday-Thursday and then FOUR hours early on Friday. Doing this always throws off my schedule (obviously). I feel like there's no routine and it makes for a long week. The extra hours on Friday meant I also needed to feed them lunch. HA!
I'll admit though that I'm thankful for the extra money during a month where bills are extra tight!

2. You know about how my dog had surgery.
He was pretty sad with the cone on. It took him a while to get used to it. He would just lay on the couch. He didn't even wag his tail. He wouldn't eat and sometimes he'd bleed a little so we had blankets and towels down.
The day care kids thought he was pretty sad, too and they all felt sorry for him.
It was pretty hard for me to watch but last Wednesday he was finally able to take off the cone and start acting normal again. Yay!
I'm thankful that we didn't have to make any decisions about how much money we were willing to put into our dog.

3. Nate and I had bought a new bed for our 5 year old. We picked it up on Tuesday after my appointment and started putting it together. One piece was missing! FRUSTRATING! 
Nate called and was told that the earliest we could get it was Thursday. 
We live an hour away so that could be an 'event' in itself but it keeps going... 

As he was driving home after getting the missing piece, traffic was slowing down because a guy was walking on the interstate. He was stopping cars and hitting their windows. Nate had seen traffic stopping on the other side of the road as well. Thinking the guy needed help, he rolled down his window and asked. The guy grabbed Nate and said "get out of the car!" Nate said no and if he needed help, he'd help him. The guy didn't give up. He kept saying "Get out of the car!" He grabbed Nate's arm, shirt, etc. Nate isn't a small guy and I'm amazed that this guy thought he could pull him out the window. I don't like to think about how big the guy might have been. Nate says they were about the same size. 

With his other hand, the guy was trying to find the button that unlocks the doors. When the guy decided to reach for the gear shift, he exposed his chin and Nate punched him right in the jaw!!!

The guy crumbled and was knocked out for a few seconds. He went to the ground and laid in the median. Nate drove off with just a small cut on his hand. 

Come to find out that he and his girlfriend had stolen a car in the city. They wrecked it and then stole another. Oddly enough that person was also from our small town. The girlfriend had pulled her out of her van. Then they wrecked the van near the place Nate was at that moment. So they were trying to get a new vehicle.

Nate called me and I told him he'd better call our friend that's a State Patrolman. So he did. Our friend said that Nate did what he needed to and shouldn't worry about anything else. He was off duty then but planned to find out what he could the next day. 

He called Nate on Friday and said that they caught the girl but didn't even know a guy was involved until he told them Nate's story. (He must have heard the sirens and ran.)

Nate was still shaking when he got home.

I just can't believe it happened. It seems surreal to me. 

Both of the people had blue stuff coming out of their mouths so they were hopped up on something. They were willing to do anything evidently because here's how the girl was caught... She had reached in a window that was just cracked open at the top. That car was dragging her along the interstate. They weren't letting her steal their car either! 

Nate and that other driver did what they needed to to stop the situation. I still get goosebumps.

I'm VERY thankful that neither of these people had guns or knives on them. I'm thankful that we weren't with Nate and that the other girl's kids weren't with her as well.

All the other "events" of the week seem EXTREMELY minor in light of that one but still...  

4. To top off the week.. 

Saturday night the boys were in bed. Our dog was down with our oldest and Nate and I were in our room. 

Then CRASH!

We ran to the kitchen to find that the shade over our ceiling lights had fell and broken to pieces on the floor. We have no idea how this happened or why it happened.

We're just thankful that no one was in the kitchen at the time. I'm also thankful that we were home at the time. After Thursday's event, I would have been even more on edge thinking someone had been in our house while we were gone if I saw broken glass upon entering! Not to mention that our dog could have walked through it and things. 

Life is an adventure, that's for sure!! 

We work on being thankful in every situation.

If you're ever bored, feel free to come visit us!! We never seem to have a dull moment! :)

Sorry for the silence

I received a card on Monday from an unexpected source. It was very encouraging and got me to thinking about something.

So often when I'm waiting for the next step of my doctoring or when I've heard some scary possibilities, I keep it to myself until I know the answers. My reasoning is that I don't want all of you scared for me. But as I read this card from a long distance relative, I realized instead that a lot of you are praying for me. A lot of you care and want to be with me on my journey.

A month ago I told you that I was having a stomach scope done. The procedure went well. The doctor said that he didn't see anything major going on but thinks my esophagus spasms. He put me on medicine for that.
I went back to my regular doctor to find out his thoughts after seeing all these specialists. He was pleased with most of what I found out and what medicine I was on. He didn't like the fact that I've been more nauseous lately and one more thing..

As he was looking through all that the other people did, he saw the blood work results. One of them was a positive result. He put his head down and shook it. He said "you're going to hate me."
This doctor genuinely cares. I can tell that he really just wants me to feel better.
He told me about the positive test and what the possibilities were. It could be nothing! BUT it could be something pretty big, too.

I don't want to tell you the options for a couple reasons.. 1. I really don't want you all to worry. 2. I honestly don't like hearing about diseases. I never look them up on the internet or anything. My own thoughts are hard enough to deal with, I'm afraid one of you possibly will say something I hadn't thought of and get me more worried. I know that none of you would do that on purpose but from experience, I know how sometimes we as people try to encourage and say things that cause another to worry. :)

None of the diseases are fatal so that should bring us all comfort.

My doctor said that he wants it to be nothing and he's tempted to ignore it but the possibilities of what it could be are too big to wait. IF I have one of those things, I need to know about it now.
Again, it could be nothing.

I see a rheumatologist next Tuesday.

Can I be honest with you?

I am struggling.

It was a month ago that I heard all this news. The doctor told me to enjoy my vacation and not worry. I actually did pretty well! Sure I didn't feel well most days (one day especially was horrible) but overall I did really have fun on vacation and wasn't worried about the future.

Now that I'm home, it's a different story. I'm just waiting for that appointment and so my mind wanders.
School started this week so with fewer kids, I have even more time for things to run through my mind.

Yesterday was really tough for some reason. I had only one daycare kid so it was very quiet around here. And since she's new, she doesn't really like it when I go to clean something or I'm away from her. To add to it, my dog had surgery. If you don't have a pet, you won't understand why that affects anything. But some of you will understand how that can also be an emotional time.
(He has cancer. They removed the spot without problem (although it was iffy at first). And I heard he's doing well. I'll get him back this afternoon)

I'm going to admit to you my biggest fear. I know that fear is lack of faith and I keep reminding myself that God is in control and His will is best.

My biggest fear is not that I may have a disease. It's that I'll hear these words "with this disease and your age, you should not have children. Your body couldn't handle it."

I keep telling myself to not worry about it. But it's so hard when I sit and watch daycare kids and think about what my kids would look like. Or when I'm around my best friend's son (he's at my favorite age), his personality is just coming out and I love it! I wonder what personality my kids would have.

It makes it harder when I think about that this is something in my blood. It's different when they think it could be something because of my symptoms. This time something is really there to check out.

I can't think about it. Like I said, God is in control and His way is best. If He doesn't want me to have my own children, He will help me to be okay with that. He'll help me turn my focus completely on helping raise all these other children in my life.

Today is better than yesterday. ;)

Overall, I'm feeling okay. I still get short of breath but the constant pressure is gone. The two medications I'm on have to be taken before I eat and I find it really hard to remember before every meal. The sharp pain still comes but not as often. I'm learning how to manage it. I'm thankful for that.
My energy level is still really low and I get nausea fairly often.

I'm praying for answers. I'm praying that someday I'll know what it feels like to have no pain. I'm praying that once again I'll be able to play with my step-sons outside.

My 5 year old step-son brought me up for prayer in Sunday school. I was pretty bad this last Sunday.
Not only did he want me better that day but said "I want her to not have any pain next time I come." That's Labor Day weekend.

All things are possible with God.



Thanks again for your prayers and being on this journey with me. I know that so many of you have concerns and also want me to know what it feels like to be pain-free.
I think a lot of you see my blog through my sister on Facebook. (Thanks Laura!)
Feel free to check directly with this website (you can become a follower). You can also feel free to repost it, as my sister does.
If you'd like me to email you when I do post, let me know. My email for this blog is delightinlord@hotmail.com.
I'm sorry I'm not more regular with it.
My next appointment is Tuesday and then I see my regular guy again on Thursday. I'll probably wait until after both of those before updating you.
PLEASE let me know if you want to know things directly.

Keeping Moving Forward

If you've read any of my last posts, you know that I'm dealing with new pain and                            more not feeling well.

Naturally as I go doctor to doctor, I compare it with my experience going to doctors                        with my headache.

Some of it is the same...

     About every other doctor has an attitude problem and no bed-side manner

     I have to answer the same questions over and over... and over!

     They want to put me on medications

     Some doctors disagree with what others have already told me to do.

     Sometimes I feel like they think I imagine my pain

     Every doctor wants me to fill out more forms no matter what records are being sent

  I'm sure there's more if I spent more time thinking about it.

But this time there have been two things very different.

 1. I'm getting into the specialists VERY fast!

 2. The door to a solution has closed yet!

Let me expound on those two points.

My last post pointed out that I was waiting to hear from the Pulmonologist. I knew I had an appointment on August 14th but I was praying I could get in sooner by someone canceling.

Well... last Tuesday I got a call that someone canceled and I could go on Wednesday if I was willing. The deal was that the breathing tests were several hours before I could see the doctor.

Of course I was willing!!!

My mom and I made a day of it.

First thing I had to do was breathing tests and get an x-ray. The breathing tests took almost an hour and were a trial in themselves. But I made it through.

We had three hours before seeing the doctor so we did some shopping and ate lunch.

The tests proved that I don't have asthma and the pulmonologist doesn't think it has to do with my lungs. So she wanted me to see a GI (gastrointestinal) specialist.

*sigh*

We were told it'd be a couple of weeks. 

Again, I was praying I could get in before vacation.

The next day (Thursday) I talk to the office and they can get me in on Friday!

If you've never dealt with specialists much, I can tell you that this is just unimaginable!!!

So off I was again to another specialist.

The encouragement was that the pulmonologist wasn't just passing me on because she didn't know what it was but because she thinks it has to do with my esophagus. 

So the door wasn't closed on me.. it just led to a hallway. :)

The GI specialist spent quite a bit of time with me. She asked me a lot of questions and determined that I should do a stomach scope.

Again, I was praying I could get in before vacation.

The scheduler came in and said "July 29th". 

"Nope, won't work. I'm on vacation..... Is there ANY way I can get in next week?"

"I don't think so. I just filled the last spot open."

Me praying... "Please, Lord, open one up!"

"Oh! Here's one on Thursday but you have to check in at 6:00AM. Do you drive far?"

"Yes, I'm an hour away but I'll take it because it's better than after vacation."

"Well.. let me check one more thing."

Me praying... "Please, Lord, I'm willing to get up at 4 to do this but you know my body and how that affects me....."

"Oh wow! Here's one for check in at 1:00PM. I don't know how I missed that."

"I'll take it!" "THANK YOU, LORD!!!"

It was truly amazing!

For the procedure, I have to be put to sleep so my husband will go in with me and I, again, have to take the day off of work. 

They'll go in through my mouth and go down. If my esophagus needs stretched, they'll do it. If it's an ulcer, they'll fix it. If they see things for biopsy, they'll do it then.

I'm praying they find something (because I WANT an answer for all this!) and that it's something they can fix while inside.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if I wake up feeling like my old self?

I expressed this to my "mother-hen" day care girl. 

She's one that just last week said "I wish you could exercise and dance with us again. I wish you were fun again." It made me tear up!

So when I told her that I COULD (not definite) feel better next week, she said, "We could dance to Footloose again!!"  

I pray that it's true!

I'm honestly not too worked up about the procedure itself but instead, all the rules I have to follow now. There's medications (like ibuprofen.. my best friend) that I'm not supposed to take at all. There's other ones too. Then on Thursday I can't eat after 7:00AM. 

I'm already losing sleep in anticipation for this. I know, I need to give it to God.

We have a busy weekend but I'll try to update you after the scope as soon as I'm able.

The other thing I've found out is that both specialists think the pain in my chest is a different problem. They don't think it's related to the not breathing.

They differ, however, on what they think it is. One thinks it's arthritis. The other says it's probably muscle related or a cystic breast. She wants me to go to a gynecologist to check it out.

I'm thinking along the lines of the muscle thing so I'm just making an appointment with a regular doctor. If they want me to get a mammogram, they can still set it up but if it's not, they can still treat me as they see fit. 

I know a lot of you out there are thinking and praying for me. Keep it up! 

We appreciate it very much!!

One Step at a Time

I don't have a lot to share at this point but I wanted to update you.

Yesterday was my much anticipated Dr. appointment.
It went pretty well. My husband and I really liked the guy and feel like he's going to pursue things until we figure out the problem.
The Dr. took more blood for a couple more tests. The one he took for blood clots came back negative so that's good. The other test is for something called Farmers' Lungs. I won't get those results for a week or so.
He also wants to send me to a specialist. He thinks it's crazy that I'm "young and healthy" and yet have this very obvious problem.
There were other tests he thought about doing but wants to wait to see what the specialist does.

When I was talking to him, he was thinking I'd get in to the specialist in the next week or two.
As I was driving home, the specialist's office called my house and left a message with my mom. I can't get in until August 14th!!

I called the specialist and they put me on the cancellation list. That means if someone cancels, they'll call me but I live an hour away. I basically need to be ready to go if they call.
I, then, called my Dr back and told him.

Today my Dr. called and said that he talked to the specialist office and they're hoping that I can get in next week. He said that if I don't hear from them by Wednesday, I'm to call him back and he'll call them.
It's so nice to have a doctor working for me!!

We're praying I can get in next week!
Trying to function on this 'stand-by' mode is difficult, especially with my job, but we want to get this figured out!

We're planning on going on vacation at the end of the month. I really want to be working on the solution before then. If I go as I am, I'll be worn out and tired for most of the trip. I'll also probably be in more pain as I'll have to be more active.
The inhaler is helping the cough but not stopping the pain and pressure. The Dr. told me to keep doing it.

Our other prayer is finances. We know that God always has and always will provide as far as finances. We pray about it constantly still asking Him for His continued provision.
It's hard having test after test knowing that each one rules out something but also costs so much. I also have to miss work for appointments or not feeling well. I miss work; I don't get paid.
We also have our younger son's birthday this month and our vacation planned.

God will provide somehow. We know that.
We pray for His guidance, wisdom and comfort.

I also wanted to share with you that I did ask about some specific things I have heard from others. He doesn't think it could be Lyme disease, anxiety or really allergy. We explored the allergy option a little but he's just not thinking it's the answer. Hopefully we'll know more after I see the specialist.

God has all the timing of every appointment, treatment and even our vacation in His hands.
Even when I can only see what's going on right now, He sees the future.

I'm thankful that I can leave all my worries and concerns with Him.
He always does what's best for us even when we can't figure it out.

Thanks for praying for me and please, continue to do so. :)