After I shared about my struggles with a headache in my last post, I've felt that I should share more. This is something that is deep in my heart and I have a real passion about.
I've hesitated with this because I don't want to give away what is written in my book. I'm still very hopeful that I'll get a chance to finish it and get it out there. I feel God wants me to still do the book but I should go ahead and do this post.
We all grow up thinking life is going to turn out a certain way. It really never crosses our minds that it could possibly go different. I've experienced this first hand which places it heavy on my heart.
I always wanted to be a mom and so therefore a wife. I just assumed that I'd get married after High School and then start having kids. I didn't want to go to college because I just wanted to be a mom. My dad convinced me to go to college but it wasn't because he said I may never get married. Instead he said that I should have a degree in case something ever happened to my husband. Or at least that's what I remember his reasoning being.
Little girls watch movies filled with fairy tales. I love them, don't get me wrong, but they fill us with false hopes and dreams.
We grow up not even thinking that it's possible to be 30 and single (which I was). Those of us that want kids, it doesn't cross our minds that we may not be able to (which I may not).
If you're young and reading this, I'm here to pop that bubble. Not because I'm mean but because I want to try to prepare you a little. Life isn't a fairy tale.
I went to a college where they basically tell you that you'll find your mate there. There are jokes about how fast people get engaged and married. It's assumed that it's the perfect place to find a spouse.
I know people that have found each other there and have wonderful marriages. I also know people who started dating, assumed that they should marry and now either struggle in it or are divorced.
And there are others that dated more than they studied because all they wanted was to be married. Then they ended up hurt by bad break-ups and poor decisions. That was me.
I quit school. Not necessarily because of the guy issues but it played a part. Two years later, I returned and very much had no desire to date anyone. I had offers but by that time I had a huge chip on my shoulder. I was dealing with my headache and just didn't care. I was there for school that time, not for marriage.
The world's society tells us that it's okay to be single well into our 30's. We should focus on our own careers. The Christian society is a little different though. Single at 30 seems like a death sentence.
I don't think the world is right but I also don't think marriage should be the focus in the Christian society either.
The focus needs to be on God. My email is delightinlord@hotmail.com. The reason it's Delight In Lord is from Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."
This has become my motto for life. I found myself 26 years old. I had had a headache for 3 years, was told I possibly couldn't have kids and had just been through a really bad break-up. Everything was against me.. or so I thought.
I opened my Bible and read this verse. I was so frustrated thinking none of my desires had come true. Well guess what! I wasn't doing the first part! Delighting in the Lord. That's the main part!!
We tend to just focus on ourselves and think of the desires we have. Most of us don't stop to think about what God has in store or what His plan is. As sad as it is, a lot of us don't live life to delight Him but to delight ourselves.
I looked up the work 'delight.' It means to take great pleasure in. In other words, we should have joy in the Lord. We should love being with Him. This also means that we need to be with Him and learn more and more about Him. If I'm focusing on that instead of my desires, my desires become the same as His. I will be so close to God that what I want is exactly what His will is. It could still mean that a part of me still wants to have kids, but I'm content if He decides I can't. Delighting in Him means that in trials and struggles I look to Him and know that He is in control.
We don't delight in Him because we want our desires. That wouldn't be true delight in Him. We delight because we love Him. We have true JOY in Him.
Joy is different than happiness. We can grieve but still have joy knowing our Father is in control. We can be frustrated but still have joy in what He does for us. Basically Joy is an emotion that is deeper than the surface.
I kinda laugh at myself when I think back. Now I'm 32. I've had a headache for 9 years. I'm 5 months away from my marriage. I still don't know if I can have children. I'm going to be a step-mom which is really hard and not what I expected when I dreamed of marriage. I'm planning a wedding where a lot of what I always wanted isn't going to take place. My dreams are coming true but still not in the way I imagined when I was 18.
Things change but God doesn't.
He says "For my thoughts are not your thoughts. Nor your ways, my ways" (Is 55:8)
But He also says "I know the plans I have for you... "(Jer 29:11)
God is in control. He knows our dreams and desires. But He'll always acts out of what's best for us, not what we think is best.
I wish someone would have told me all this when I went to college (or maybe even before). I wish that marriage wasn't shoved in my face so much that I dated guys who really were not good for me. I wish someone would have warned me that even if I get my dreams that they may not be what I thought.
I wish a lot of things really. But God had different plans. In those plans I think He placed in me a desire to not only learn from my past but to encourage others to Delight in Him and not live in a bubble of thinking we all end up how we picture it.
Don't live your life expecting to be married by a certain age. Or by thinking marriage will be easy or you'll have kids without a problem. Don't even let yourself get caught up in a career without Him in it.
Live your life delighting in Him. The rest will fall into place.
ps.. If you're just joining me, please read my first blog.
