After I wrote my last post, I was feeling excited. I started writing down more topics that have come to mind over the last year. I felt that my life and health have finally gotten to a point where I can truly focus on what God is wanting me to do with this. I want to make Him and this a true priority.
Over the last several weeks, I've gotten into my Bible more. I pray a lot more. And my husband and I have been more diligent with praying with each other every night.
But Satan attacks us when he sees us doing good for the Lord.
This past weekend my parents, husband and I went to a Bible winter camp. We were in the Bible often and constantly with other believers. It was cold but a lot of fun.
Sunday night we hit a wall though. Satan used my stepson to hurt us quite a bit.
Satan started to make me feel discouraged and doubt all that I do. He made me question my role in life. Satan is a deceiver.
Think about it.
Adam and Eve lived in literal Paradise. Satan comes in and convinces Eve that what she knows is true is really not true. He knows God and tries to use His words against us. He changes them just enough to cause us to doubt and turn away.
I refused to let this happen! I have learned that the stronger my relationship is with God, the easier I can recognize Satan's plots. I also have learned to take it as a compliment of sorts. If I wasn't doing what God wanted me to and trying to encourage others towards Him, Satan wouldn't care enough to try to discourage me. So I have tried to make it a point this week to dust myself off and keep leaning on God.
I've prayed a lot during this week. I get thoughts going through my head of a negative nature so I stop and pray. I get a pit in my stomach thinking about the future so I stop and pray. I get nauseous from all the emotions and hurt so I run to bathroom and pray.. while I'm getting sick.
The other thing to remember as we go through these times is that God is allowing Satan to do this. God is more powerful than Satan and could stop him at any moment. God doesn't always do that though and I think there's a couple reasons why.
He gives us a free will. He wants us to want Him and to choose Him. The bigger thing is that He wants to test our faith. Going through things like this should draw us closer to Him and make us rely on Him all the more. It builds our character and faith. If there weren't trials, I'd venture to say that we'd all become too comfortable and forget God's role in our lives and in that comfort.
Does your relationship with God grow during trials or become weaker? He wants us to be closer to Him when it's done.
We just got done doing a study of Job at our church. Job went through the ultimate trial of losing all his children, his possessions, his health, everything except his wife and a couple friends.
Here's what sticks out to me...
God and Satan had a conversation in the beginning. God called Job blameless and upright, fearing God and turning away from evil. Satan answers back that God is protecting him. He has blessed his work and put an hedge about him. Satan questions whether Job would still be blameless and upright and fearing God if all those things were taken away. God then tells Satan that all those things Satan can take except Job's life.
Do God and Satan have a conversation before Satan is allowed to deceive any of us? No. I don't think so. But what if they had this conversation about you? Job had no idea that God felt this way about him or that Satan was trying to make him curse God.
When we face trials do we remember that God loves us and wants us to honor Him through it all? Do we see Satan's attack on our minds?
That's something to consider when you're hurting.
The other thing I gain from this conversation is that God didn't allow Satan to take Job's life. He took his health but he was still alive.
Psalm 121:5-8 says "The Lord is your keeper; The Lord is your shade on your right hand. The sun will not smite you by day, or the moon by night. The Lord will protect you from all evil; He will keep your soul. The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forever."
Wrap your brain around that. God is our keeper. We will not die one day before He wants us to and we will not live one day longer than He wants us to.
Pause and think about that alone.
He protects us from all sorts of evil. Sometimes this verse makes us think of near death experiences.
Our best friends were in a horrible car accident last May. Some of them certainly should not be alive right now. But they are! God was and is their keeper! He's not through with them yet!
I also like to consider the times that we may not know that God is keeping us. Do we know everything that He protects us from? I don't think so. We just rely on the fact that He does protect us.
He also knows when it will be our time to go. This isn't from a lack of protection but just that our job is done on this earth. He knows when that time will be. He'll protect us until that moment. Then He goes from being our keeper here to keeping us up there.
Now.. keep in mind this isn't something to go test out. I'm not going to go to a shooting range and run in front of all the bullets to see if God wants me to die today or not. The point is that we can fully rest in knowing that He keeps us.
This is not just on a physically level either. Verse 6 said "The sun will not smite you by day, nor the moon by night." The sun can affect us physically we all understand that. But what about the moon? How can the moon smite us?
This is something that was just pointed out to me this weekend. We know the moon is also known as Lunar. We've heard of Lunar eclipse. Well... what about the words "lunatic" or "lunacy"? That's talking about someone we consider crazy or out of their minds. Right?
Have you heard of people saying that more babies are born when there's a full moon? Or how about kids are a little more hyper when there's a full moon? I know first hand the latter one is true! And I've heard stories about hospitals being crazy on nights with the full moon.
The point is that the moon affects us on a different level than just on a physical one. It affects our mentality and emotions. Isn't that cool to think about the verse again? God protects us from the full affects of the moon just as He does the sun.
How amazing is that?!?
I'm not letting Satan win this battle. God is my keeper on all levels. He protects me and I rely on Him. He will heal my heart, my mind and my stomach (it's where I carry my emotions). He has a hold of the future and I can rest assured that He will always be here for us.
After Job lost his family and possessions, he said "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."
Can you say that in the midst of struggle? Can you Praise God for what He has done?
In this moment, in this trial, I am....
Blessed be the name of the Lord!!
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Thursday, January 24, 2013
I'm back!
I can't believe how long it has been since I last wrote. It's not like I haven't had topics spring to mind but life has just been plain busy.
I'll try to recap without going into every detail that has happened in the last 9 months.
It was May when I wrote last. Around that time wedding stuff was really picking up. I was having wedding showers and it seems like I was running to the city every weekend.
July 13, 2012 was the big day and it was perfect! Okay.. it wasn't perfect in the sense that nothing went wrong, everything was planned and there were no "surprises". BUT it was perfect. :)
I look back at the pictures and can't help but smile. (I was going to upload more pictures but it's not working so maybe I'll post just about the wedding some other time.)
I remember how I felt that whole day. I was so happy with how everything turned out from the clothes, to decorations, to flowers, to food, to music, to slideshow... just everything! And of course being married to my best friend is amazing!!
After the wedding was the honeymoon. This didn't go as well but was still great! We went to the Dominican Republic. I was sick the whole morning of the flight! We woke up.. I got sick in the hotel bathroom. I got ready.. got sick in the hotel bathroom. We got to airport... I ran to bathroom. Checked our luggage.. I stopped at bathroom. Found our gate.. I ran to bathroom.
Pause for funny story. While I was in the bathroom this time, I hear my husband calling my name. So I go out. He said "they called my name. We have to board!" Now, my husband panics easily when he's in new situations and especially when he's trying to protect or help me. So with me obviously not doing well. He was already in a state of panic. Add to it that he hasn't flown much and never since 9/11, he was struggling. He tries so hard to take care of everything so I don't have to when I don't feel well but it ends up backfiring a lot since he gets so frazzled, he can't think straight. Just picturing him going through security makes me smile. He's a sweet guy, really. :)
I have flown more and was calm about all that stuff.
I try to ask him what they said. He said "they said my name asking me to go up to the counter".
"Did you go up there?" I asked.
You know his response was 'no' so we went up to the guy who called his name. All they wanted to know was if we'd switch seats with someone. haha. We said yes and I went back to the bathroom. (To be fair, he shares a lot of stories about me on this trip too! He even took a picture of me using my really expensive nasal spray! lol.)
Anyway...
I finally got to the point I didn't have to be in a bathroom and could just sit. I bought a Sprite and tried to relax. We then boarded the plane. My husband right away told the flight attendant that we'd need airsick bags. I was literally shaking as we took off. I kept telling myself to take deep breaths. As soon as that seat belt sign went off, yes, I was back into the bathroom. If you haven't spent much time in an airplane bathroom, I'm here to tell you... DON'T! That is where I spent the entire flight. One bathroom for me. The other for the rest of the people.
When we were getting ready to land, however, I needed to be back in my seat. We were sitting in the emergency exit row and the flight attendant was sitting there as well. We asked if there was a way I could get off first but due to regulations, that wasn't possible. So my husband asked if i could run back to the bathroom before everyone got out of their seats. This may sound like it was an embarrassing question but I had just spent a couple hours in the bathroom. The whole plane knew I was sick. The embarrassment was long gone.
The second I was given approval to get up. I went back to the bathroom until the entire plane was empty. In case you've never flown before, I'll explain why I didn't just wait to get off the plane. Once the plane lands, you drive around to get to the gate. I don't believe I was allowed up until that point. I honestly don't remember. But once people are allowed up, it's like a mad house. You have the people who are really rushed so they grab their luggage and get out as fast as they can. They're almost pushy. Then you have the ones that just stand to stretch their legs or something. They're in the way but they don't care figuring there's people in front of them anyway. There's others that sit and wait until a good time. Overall, people are reaching up to grab luggage from overhead, trying not to hit anyone with their arms or bags plus there's a long line waiting to get out. It's just not a fun time... esp when trying to not puke on everyone!
We had a two hour lay over before the next flight. I was able to finally take medicine and keep food down. I slept the rest of the way.
Once there, though, I caught a cold.
I really think it all had to do with the stress leading up to the wedding, the let down of that stress and then add lack of sleep.
Here's more advice... ALWAYS take medicine with you when you travel. The cold medicine down there was SOO expensive!
When looking back, it was still a great vacation. We were in an all inclusive resort.. adults only! Having my profession, there is nothing better than adults only!
The weather was great. The pool awesome. The ocean was cool. It was just amazing!
(again, pictures won't upload right)
What has happened in these 6 months of marriage? There's so much and yet so little!
We have figured out a way for all of us to fit into this house and make it work. We're learning things like I need to shut the door when changing clothes and the 4 year old needs to learn to knock. HA!
We're still leading youth group and actively involved at church.
We still need my husband's old house to sell but making it work for now.
Our lives are busy. It seems like when we have the boys we always have some place to be or something to do. There are times that we seriously have to purposely leave a weekend open or decide not to attend something just so we can be at home as a family. The weekends without the boys seem to be similar except more often than not, we do that to ourselves. We'll schedule certain things on boys weekends so we don't have to get a sitter and so we don't miss out on time with our boys.
We made it through our first holidays being married. This meant buying new stockings, combining ornaments on the tree, and figuring out new traditions. It was a good time!
Married life is good. I couldn't be happier!
As for my health.. the bad headaches I was having at the beginning of the year have subsided. I still have my headache and occasionally it's really bad. But overall, I can't complain at all. I praise God for that!
In October, though, I got another pain. This one in my side. We thought it was my ribs, then thought a cyst to finally finding out it's really an ulcer. I'm still taking medicine for that and really having to watch what I eat and drink. It's not fun at all!
My business is still going well. I hate turning people away but I finally feel like I'm getting on track with my health and I don't want to mess it up by adding more kids to my life. I love the group I have right now too.
We're really focused on living and being content with how things are now but we're also praying about the future... my job, having our own kids, getting a bigger house, etc.
One thing that has been a lot easier since being married is being under one roof. Before we did everything together but since we didn't sleep together or live together, we had things split between two houses. When we'd make plans after work... before it'd be like "who's picking up who?" and now it's just "let's go!". Or when my husband works on the farm late.. before he would go straight home and I wouldn't get to see him. Now he comes home.. here... together. It's hard to explain but it has made a huge impact on our lives.
With that said, I feel that I should be able to have more time to write on here. I pray that God leads me to do so. Like I said, I've had many topics spring to mind and now I hope to share them with you. I pray that you haven't forgotten about me but that you can rejoin me on my journey of life.
I'll try to recap without going into every detail that has happened in the last 9 months.
It was May when I wrote last. Around that time wedding stuff was really picking up. I was having wedding showers and it seems like I was running to the city every weekend.
July 13, 2012 was the big day and it was perfect! Okay.. it wasn't perfect in the sense that nothing went wrong, everything was planned and there were no "surprises". BUT it was perfect. :)
I look back at the pictures and can't help but smile. (I was going to upload more pictures but it's not working so maybe I'll post just about the wedding some other time.)
I remember how I felt that whole day. I was so happy with how everything turned out from the clothes, to decorations, to flowers, to food, to music, to slideshow... just everything! And of course being married to my best friend is amazing!!
After the wedding was the honeymoon. This didn't go as well but was still great! We went to the Dominican Republic. I was sick the whole morning of the flight! We woke up.. I got sick in the hotel bathroom. I got ready.. got sick in the hotel bathroom. We got to airport... I ran to bathroom. Checked our luggage.. I stopped at bathroom. Found our gate.. I ran to bathroom.
Pause for funny story. While I was in the bathroom this time, I hear my husband calling my name. So I go out. He said "they called my name. We have to board!" Now, my husband panics easily when he's in new situations and especially when he's trying to protect or help me. So with me obviously not doing well. He was already in a state of panic. Add to it that he hasn't flown much and never since 9/11, he was struggling. He tries so hard to take care of everything so I don't have to when I don't feel well but it ends up backfiring a lot since he gets so frazzled, he can't think straight. Just picturing him going through security makes me smile. He's a sweet guy, really. :)
I have flown more and was calm about all that stuff.
I try to ask him what they said. He said "they said my name asking me to go up to the counter".
"Did you go up there?" I asked.
You know his response was 'no' so we went up to the guy who called his name. All they wanted to know was if we'd switch seats with someone. haha. We said yes and I went back to the bathroom. (To be fair, he shares a lot of stories about me on this trip too! He even took a picture of me using my really expensive nasal spray! lol.)
Anyway...
I finally got to the point I didn't have to be in a bathroom and could just sit. I bought a Sprite and tried to relax. We then boarded the plane. My husband right away told the flight attendant that we'd need airsick bags. I was literally shaking as we took off. I kept telling myself to take deep breaths. As soon as that seat belt sign went off, yes, I was back into the bathroom. If you haven't spent much time in an airplane bathroom, I'm here to tell you... DON'T! That is where I spent the entire flight. One bathroom for me. The other for the rest of the people.
When we were getting ready to land, however, I needed to be back in my seat. We were sitting in the emergency exit row and the flight attendant was sitting there as well. We asked if there was a way I could get off first but due to regulations, that wasn't possible. So my husband asked if i could run back to the bathroom before everyone got out of their seats. This may sound like it was an embarrassing question but I had just spent a couple hours in the bathroom. The whole plane knew I was sick. The embarrassment was long gone.
The second I was given approval to get up. I went back to the bathroom until the entire plane was empty. In case you've never flown before, I'll explain why I didn't just wait to get off the plane. Once the plane lands, you drive around to get to the gate. I don't believe I was allowed up until that point. I honestly don't remember. But once people are allowed up, it's like a mad house. You have the people who are really rushed so they grab their luggage and get out as fast as they can. They're almost pushy. Then you have the ones that just stand to stretch their legs or something. They're in the way but they don't care figuring there's people in front of them anyway. There's others that sit and wait until a good time. Overall, people are reaching up to grab luggage from overhead, trying not to hit anyone with their arms or bags plus there's a long line waiting to get out. It's just not a fun time... esp when trying to not puke on everyone!
We had a two hour lay over before the next flight. I was able to finally take medicine and keep food down. I slept the rest of the way.
Once there, though, I caught a cold.
I really think it all had to do with the stress leading up to the wedding, the let down of that stress and then add lack of sleep.
Here's more advice... ALWAYS take medicine with you when you travel. The cold medicine down there was SOO expensive!
When looking back, it was still a great vacation. We were in an all inclusive resort.. adults only! Having my profession, there is nothing better than adults only!
The weather was great. The pool awesome. The ocean was cool. It was just amazing!
What has happened in these 6 months of marriage? There's so much and yet so little!
We have figured out a way for all of us to fit into this house and make it work. We're learning things like I need to shut the door when changing clothes and the 4 year old needs to learn to knock. HA!
We're still leading youth group and actively involved at church.
We still need my husband's old house to sell but making it work for now.
Our lives are busy. It seems like when we have the boys we always have some place to be or something to do. There are times that we seriously have to purposely leave a weekend open or decide not to attend something just so we can be at home as a family. The weekends without the boys seem to be similar except more often than not, we do that to ourselves. We'll schedule certain things on boys weekends so we don't have to get a sitter and so we don't miss out on time with our boys.
We made it through our first holidays being married. This meant buying new stockings, combining ornaments on the tree, and figuring out new traditions. It was a good time!
Married life is good. I couldn't be happier!
As for my health.. the bad headaches I was having at the beginning of the year have subsided. I still have my headache and occasionally it's really bad. But overall, I can't complain at all. I praise God for that!
In October, though, I got another pain. This one in my side. We thought it was my ribs, then thought a cyst to finally finding out it's really an ulcer. I'm still taking medicine for that and really having to watch what I eat and drink. It's not fun at all!
My business is still going well. I hate turning people away but I finally feel like I'm getting on track with my health and I don't want to mess it up by adding more kids to my life. I love the group I have right now too.
We're really focused on living and being content with how things are now but we're also praying about the future... my job, having our own kids, getting a bigger house, etc.
One thing that has been a lot easier since being married is being under one roof. Before we did everything together but since we didn't sleep together or live together, we had things split between two houses. When we'd make plans after work... before it'd be like "who's picking up who?" and now it's just "let's go!". Or when my husband works on the farm late.. before he would go straight home and I wouldn't get to see him. Now he comes home.. here... together. It's hard to explain but it has made a huge impact on our lives.
With that said, I feel that I should be able to have more time to write on here. I pray that God leads me to do so. Like I said, I've had many topics spring to mind and now I hope to share them with you. I pray that you haven't forgotten about me but that you can rejoin me on my journey of life.
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