In my last post, I opened myself up. I was completely honest and wanted to show you that I do struggle and that I in no way think I'm better than you. I'm hoping that seeing me in my vulnerability will help you to not only see the real me but also trust me and respect me.
Like I've said many times, my blog is about God using me in my life experiences. I felt like if I was always writing posts trying to convict people, they may think I have the "Holier than thou" type of personality. I don't and I want you to see that. I also think that you could be more encouraged if you also know that I struggle and can relate.
I realized that it has been two weeks since that post and this morning I felt convicted about it.
I want you to know that after I posted my struggles, I got right with God. I opened my heart up completely to Him and let go of everything. My anger towards Him is gone.
1 John 1:9 says "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." That is just what I did.
Over the last two weeks I've really looked to God for my strength and I handle "issues" better than I did before. I'm staying calm and using wisdom on my reactions. I'm even aware of certain situations that may cause me to struggle. Sometimes I stay away and sometimes I'm right there but keeping my head on and focused on watching my tongue and attitude.
It's not like these last two weeks have been easy and it's not like nothing has tested my reliance on God. In fact, these last two weeks have been very tough. Basically nothing has changed except my attitude. I'm still tired, don't feel well and am stressed out. So much has happened over these last couple of weeks that if I didn't lean on God, I would have fallen over and never got up.
I'm so thankful that He is always here.
I felt convicted about not writing before because I realized that if someone read my post, then saw me looking so tired or down, they may think I'm still mad at God. I am tired and I am down but the anger towards God is not even slightly there anymore.
I also want to stress this very important point. I was not right in my attitude before. I knew it while I was in the midst of it, I knew it while I was writing that post and I know it now. I've never tried to deceive myself thinking I was justified. I need to stress this so that you don't think you're right if you have that same attitude.
Yes, we can all find ourselves having this attitude but it doesn't make it right. We want to blame sin nature but that also doesn't make it right.
God is God. We can never presume to know more than Him or think we can control life better. He has our best in mind because He loves us. We have to trust Him in that.
Trials and struggles will NEVER get better if you don't let go and look to God.
