I can't handle it.

Last week was a very eventful, emotional, stressful week.
It started not too bad but by Tuesday everything went downhill.

I got a call from my husband saying that he had wrecked his road grader. He was/is okay but it was a scary ordeal. The steering stopped working and in a matter of 10 seconds he was in a ditch. He was going 30 mph.

It's unnerving.

He was in this!!!

He fell right on a wooden fence post. If it had been a steel one, he wouldn't be here. *deep breath*

This fence happens to have all wooden posts but as I was driving on Saturday I noticed that A LOT, in fact I'd say MOST, fences have more steel posts than wooden. 

Tuesday is also the day we met with our contractors for our addition and foundation construction. For one contractor, it was the final meeting before they begin. The other contractor is just starting on the planning. 

By the time Nate got home from his wreck, the guys were coming. I didn't even get to talk to him or hug him or anything. We went straight into talking about our house. Then I went to my nephew's program. When I got home, I convinced Nate to go get checked at the hospital. I didn't care that he kept telling me he was fine. I wanted to hear it from a professional. 

He was fine and so I could sleep well that night.... well, I thought I was going to. It turns out that since he landed on his left side, that's the side that's bruised and that's the side that's closest to me when we're sleeping. I was so scared of hurting him more. 

As the week went on, I saw him walking slower and slower. People would also approach us and make comments about how they're glad he's still alive. 

I kept finding out more about the accident. And the more I heard people say "you're lucky" the deeper the pit got in my stomach. 

Basically everything that happened last week was magnified by the fact that I almost lost my husband.

There are several more events I'll mention but there are also a few I can't go into detail about. Last week I had four friends also dealing with big things. They all weigh heavy on my heart. 

Back to our highlights (or lowlights as they may be)...

Our old dog is having blood in his bowel movements. I was just observing him last weekend and then on Wednesday I got more scared about it. I sent a picture to my daycare mom that works at the vet. On Friday I spent a hour and a half at the vet trying to figure out what's going on. We have no idea and so are trying to make decisions as far as how much do we pay. 

Yes, dogs feel like family but we need to remember that he's not human. He's 10 years old. He's old.

He acts fine for the most part so I think we're deciding to just hold off right now. It's so hard trying to make such decisions! 

This past weekend we celebrated my older step-son's birthday. So we were busy with making sure he was having a good time with friends. That was fun but a lot harder considering the week's events. 

We also found out that my husband's step-sister was in a car accident. She had come over a hill and ran into a planter coming the other direction. (I'm talking like a farm planter!) She didn't have time to take the ditch but she had time to lay down in her vehicle. If she hadn't.... she also wouldn't be here. I don't have a picture to show you but I saw one where a blade cut through her head rest!!! 

She has a cut on her jaw but just like Nate, she's okay... 

Lucky to be walking and still alive.

As I say that, I have to say, I don't believe in luck. I believe in God. God protected both of them. His hand was definitely in the situations! I praise God everyday that I still have a husband and that his sister is okay as well. It's amazing!!

That has to lead you to think about life and death. At any moment, you or a loved one can be gone. Are you ready? I recently wrote a post about this. You need to make sure you're going to heaven! The ONLY way to get there is through Jesus Christ. He died to SAVE us! We are on our way to hell until we realize we need saved from it. We need to ask Jesus to be our Savior. Believe that He died for you! Surrender your life to Him! (more questions about this please email... delightinlord@hotmail.com)

Was that the end of our week?

I wish. 

Thankfully nothing worse happened. But I'd love it if nothing happened at all!!

Saturday we were getting ready to go out to eat for B's birthday. Nate was driving. B had moved the truck out of the way so he could play basketball. It was sitting towards the end of the driveway. Nate forgot about it. He hits the accelerator, van starts beeping at us, Nate can't react fast enough... Yes, we run into the truck. We now have some nice dents in the van. *sigh* 

Totally not a huge deal.. especially in light of other accidents of the week. But like I said, everything was magnified BECAUSE of the other accidents. It was one of those moments where you're like "Really? Is this REALLY happening?"

This brings us to Sunday. 

Sunday was a turning point for me. And it's also the main reason I decided to blog today.

Sunday morning I could sense that I am not pregnant. I had been trying to keep my hopes down but that's pretty much impossible. I was trying to not even think about it. Of course, if I did think about it, I would become emotional.

We got to church normal time, I make the coffee, Nate gets out the emblems, and then we got ready for first meeting. Ten minutes into it I got into a coughing fit and went downstairs. 

I got a drink and sat to see if the tickle in my throat would leave. Of course, just sitting in an empty basement causes a person to start thinking about the week and the fact that I didn't think I was pregnant.

I cried out to God "I can't handle this! I can't handle this week! I can't handle the disappointment!"

He responded.

I felt God say to me, "Why are you trying to? You're absolutely right that you can't handle this. You NEED Me! Lean on Me!"

I, then, could literally picture myself sitting in His very capable hands. 

I let go of everything. I let go of all my thoughts, plans, disappointments, etc. Yes, I was emotional but it felt good to realize I didn't need to handle everything. That's not what God wants. God gives us trials to develop our character. Part of that development is realizing that we always NEED Him. In good times and bad. He's always here. He wants us to lean on Him. He'll guide us and help us get through it.

This also led to another thought.

There's things that we feel led by God to do.

I felt led to start selling Norwex. We felt led to build the addition and fix our foundation. We felt led to pursue infertility. 

I think that sometimes we feel led to do something and then we start running. We take off with a shot and don't give God another thought. (and I say 'we' meaning all of us! ;)) 

I picture walking a child to the park. As soon as the park comes into view, they take off. They don't wait for me. They're just excited to get to the park!

We do the same thing! We get so excited for the end goal that we take off and don't wait for God. How can He be leading me if he's not LEADING? If I'm running ahead of Him with my plans, I'm no longer in the following position.

His timing is not our timing. His ways are not our ways.

I ask you...

1. Are you living life hoping you're lucky enough? Or have you given your life to God?

2. Are you trying to handle everything alone? Or are you letting God handle it with you?

3. Are you running ahead of God? Or are you still letting Him lead?

I can't handle it. But God can.

ps.. we had one more event. Nate's step-brother rolled his truck. He is also okay. 

Ralentir

"A leisurely walk is a gift"

That's a quote from the movie Saving Mr. Banks. Mrs. Travers' driver says it.
Their conversation starts with Mrs. Travers commenting that no one walks there. The driver says something about how everyone is too busy and makes the point that leisurely walks are a gift.

Leisure means free time, spare time or time off.

Do you have leisurely time? Are you so busy running around that you don't ever stop?

I often think about the song Running Just to Catch Myself by Mark Schultz. It's a pretty funny song and I enjoy listening to it. But there's a point to it too. One line in it is "I wave at my life as it passes me by".

Are you just waving at life as it's passing by or are you enjoying it and all the little moments?

I'm writing this today to not only challenge you but also myself!!
I've been pondering this idea since I watched Saving Mr. Banks two weeks ago but this week, especially, it's ringing true.. and it's only Tuesday!
This week is overwhelming to me. There's so much going on, my to-do list touches the floor it seems, and I'm not feeling great. There's certain things I need to keep track of, count and figure out. Even if I could get my body to sit still, my mind would be running like crazy.

Stress is not good.
I AM stressed... very stressed. For me, stress makes my health worse which makes it hard to get stuff done which makes me stress more which makes me feel worse which.... It's a very vicious cycle.
Another problem is that we miss out on life. We miss out on the relationship we have in our lives whether it be spouses, children or friends.

My friend wrote down the word "ralentir". She said that it was French for 'slow down'.
She wrote it to remind herself to slow down a bit. They're preparing to move so she's been busy gathering things around the house to sell and pack and basically get ready. But she wanted to remember that if her kids want to show her a picture they drew, she needed to take time to stop, look at it and talk to them about it. Not just say a quick "good job" and move on.

This is important! And I love that she does that!

Do I do it?

I don't want life to just pass me by. I don't want to be at the end of this week wondering what happened to it. I want to have some kind of moment (or many!) to remember.. either with my day care kids or my husband or BOTH!

My husband is a volunteer fireman. There has been 6 fires in the last three days and he's gone to 5! It interrupts conversations and sleep. But it's that time of year and that's our lives. Even still, we try to make the most of the time we are around each other.

Life gets busy. Believe me, I KNOW! But we still need to make sure we're not just running through it.

Let me tell you some things that I've learned to do.
First off, if I'm getting overwhelmed, I tend to get negative and magnify every little thing. I try to make a point to find some positives. Just finding at least two positives helps correct my attitude and get it back into perspective.

Another thing I do if I'm stressed and feel like just screaming or crying, I put on a fun song and dance! Yes, really, I do. My favorite is Footloose. I have the VeggieTales version actually. lol. It's off of their 80s tunes CD.
Anyway, Bob says something in the beginning about getting tired of working all the time. Then they sing the song and at the end Bob say "okay, back to work".

If I'm having a major stressed out day, I put in that CD. My day care kids love it and it helps me too. When that song comes on, they know I'm going to crank it up and we'll dance all togeher. We even have a little routine we do. HA!HA!
Oh, I know I probably look ridiculous and if a parent would walk in, I'd be embarrassed. But it's fun and such a great stress reliever. At the end when Bob says, 'back to work' I'm able to get back to my paperwork with a relaxed feel.
Music is a big part of my life. No matter what I'm doing, music is typically playing. If I'm cleaning around the house, I have it going and I'm dancing to it. (if they ever make a movie about me, it'd have to be a musical. lol)
So whether I'm with daycare kids or just on my own, I'm dancing my cares away. It relaxes me!

You need to find something you love to do.. it could be dancing, writing, reading, singing, hunting, etc.  Just find something that will relax you. Living in a stressed out state isn't healthy and it's definitely not fun!

If my health is such that I can't dance, I color. I will never forget the time when I lived in a house with several other girls. I was the first one home from work and it had been a bad day. I came home, stuck in the movie Aladdin and colored in my Winnie-the-Pooh coloring book. Some of my roommates thought I was a little crazy. But I was relaxed and was able to enjoy the evening with them. :)

I also write a lot of lists. Once I write it down, I allow myself to get it off my mind. I can then go to my list and figure out what NEEDS to be done and what I'd LIKE to get done. I can also fit in smaller jobs if I just have a few moments.

A lot of it is learning time management, too. We have certain responsibilities and yes, we need to make sure those get done. I learned in college that I had to make the most of good days because I never knew when a bad day would hit and I still needed to have my homework done on time. The same is true now. I try to take advantage of good days so that if I'm having a bad day and my body needs to just chill. I can do that without becoming really stressed.
It doesn't always work out but those are the times I need to really remember to pay attention to the relationships around me. I don't want to be so caught up that I brush off moments I could have.

Just this past Saturday I had a lot I was trying to get done. Some things came up that threw off our schedule. But when my husband asked if we should go on a walk around the lake with the dogs and the boys, I knew that I needed to do that. I needed to take time to enjoy those relationships.. not to mention the nice weather. Remember that one fire my husband didn't go to? It happened while we were on our walk so he stayed with us.

Priorities. What's most important to you? Am I putting "things" above people?

If I don't get something done, is it really the end of the world? What's the consequences?
If this is my last day or moment with this person, would I have regrets or moments I missed?

That's where time management comes in. We can't keep putting off responsibilities to go on a walk all day but we also can't work all day putting off leisure.
We need breaks.
Go on a walk. Dance to a song. Color a picture.
Take time to smell the roses, they used to say.

Plan ahead so that you can take advantage of breaks... whether they're planned or unexpected. Don't let the unexpected ruin it!
Like my friend, take a moment to slow down and enjoy that little unexpected moment with your child.

Are you Running Just to Catch Yourself? Are you waving as life passes you by? Are you so busy it's hard to handle?

Whether or not you need it because of the people around you or just to de-stress yourself so life is a little more enjoyable....

Stop.
Take a deep breath.
Go on a leisurely walk.
Dance to some music.
And remember to slow down!