Security

"How are you doing?"

"That's a loaded question these days," I laughed.

Now, I know, you're thinking...  "Amanda, you've already posted this one"
Don't worry. I haven't lost it.
This starts the same, but is different.. just keep reading.

Why was asking me, "how are you doing?" such a loaded question?
Yes, I had been in a car wreck. But it was more loaded than that.

At that point, I had also recently been terminated from my job.

Let's go back to my post entitled TRUST.

July 29, 2017:  BAM!, airbags.

August 6, 2017: Got home from vacation

Didn’t work the following week to heal. 

August 17, 2017: Terminated from job.

August 28, 2017: Restarted in-home day care

I learned a long time ago that life is never predictable.
I learned a long time ago that God doesn't necessarily have the same plans that I do. 

I planned to be married shortly after high school.. definitely right after college. 

I was married at the age of 32.

I planned on being a mom. 

I'm not able to have kids and medically don't know a reason. I am a step-mom. 

I didn't plan on living life in pain. 

I've had a headache constantly for almost 15 years. 

Life doesn't go as planned.
Life isn't fair.
It's the way it works. 

Two years ago on my birthday, October 4th, I decided to take a new job. It was a job as Director of the day care center in town. I worked at this center all throughout my high school and college careers. I also worked there when I moved back home before I began my in-home day care. 

The former director was my mentor.

Although there were several things we didn't see eye to eye on, I learned a lot from her. 

She became very ill and passed away. I hadn't considered taken the job. In fact, I avoided her knowing that she would mention it to me.
At her visitation, however, I didn't expect how many other people would mention it to me. I was overwhelmed and felt that God was leading me to change my thinking ever so slightly.

Nate and I prayed about the decision quite a bit. It was not an easy one by any means. It affected so many people and I really struggled with the whole idea.

Honestly?
I fought it.
I felt like I was giving up on another dream. I loved my job.
But as much as I did, it seemed like it was the right thing to do... especially for our family.

November 2, 2015 I became the Director of our local day care center.

It was a whole new world. I had big plans and was able to accomplish a lot of them. We were able to get some Grants and raise some money to make some much needed improvements. I learned about the State regulations, the Food Program and other business that I didn't need to do at my in-home. 

I had a staff and a board, a lot more kids and parents and really more balls to juggle. We had just raised enough money for a new playground structure. Things were stressful but seemed to be going well.

I'm going to be 100% honest.

I don't know what happened while I was on vacation in July.

But something did.

I was back at work only three days before I was terminated.  

Another employee (with whom I was very close) also was terminated for a very different reason. It didn't make sense.

When I was called in to meet with the Board it was as if I was on trial. The outcome was going to be the same no matter what I said. The reason being, the questions they were asking me didn't affect the reason I was being terminated. I was being terminated for something I did on the administrative part of the job.
I'm not sure why the person(s) decided to make their decision of calling the Board with accusations against me. Why they thought their accusations were justified or even a big deal, I don't know. And unless I choose to confront them, more than likely I'll never know.

Two board members also resigned that night. I'm still friends with them both. 

It's hard because not only was I terminated in a very confusing situation but trust was broken all around. I thought I was close to my staff. I thought I had close relationships with them. But now I've lost friends.

There were some pretty ridiculous accusations during the termination but even the weeks that followed, unfortunately, it got ugly. I was called a thief and a slanderer. 

I know that there's been pain on all sides... the board and myself.

It's been hard. 

It was a job that I took because I felt God's leading and it was what was best for our family at that time. I poured my whole self into the job. I brought so much from my home into the center... toys, movies, books, cds, furniture, etc. I was determined to make it feel more like home. I bought stuff with my own money and family members donated their time (and money) to help update the center.

It was very painful to have that suddenly, unexpectedly, ripped out from under me.

But guess what!... Life doesn't go as planned!!

I was still limping and in major pain from a car wreck, then found myself unemployed. As you look at the timeline, you can see I only took a week to restart my in-home again. I had families that were "mine" when I started at the center and followed me there. So, upon my termination, the center asked them almost right away what they'd be doing. I felt like I needed to make a decision for them and I also needed the money. I had a few other families follow me to my home as well.

Thankfully I had aunts and uncles visiting so we could transform my day care section of the house back into a day care. It was a very emotional time for me. But these are the times where I realize, the most, how blessed I am to have a family like mine. I know that not everyone does and I praise the Lord that I do.

Through all of this, guess what God was saying... Trust Me. 

The only thing that made sense in the moment was that I no longer had a vehicle so now I work at home and didn't need one! Yay!

Other than that, I didn't get what God was doing. How can I go back to working these hours? How can I still make it to my appointments? How will I make it to Brady's games? What if Noah has something going on? How will we make it financially?

I can't answer all of those questions. I take them one at a time. Because all I'm called to do is Trust.

A lot of people quote Jeremiah 29:11 "'I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord."
That is a great reminder but I like this other one.

I don't feel like it's overused so it sticks out more and it seems more applicable.

"While we look not at the things which are seen but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal" 

2 Corinthians 4:18

I know that sounds confusing. But it's talking about how it doesn't matter what we have to endure on this earth. It's all temporary. But eternal things is what really matters. Knowing Jesus Christ as my personal Savior is what's really and truly important. (Do you realize that you can KNOW you're going to Heaven? 1 John 5:13 Ask me how!) 

Soooo many of my plans fail but God has a reason. What's really important is what I'm doing for eternity. Not only my own salvation but how I'm living. It doesn't stop at believing... we have to keep on living.

I trust God. I'm not saying it's easy. 

We've talked about this.

The other morning I read something that jumped out to me as if it was my first time reading it.

Psalms 91:1,2- He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, "My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!"  

Reread that and think... Picture it.

Picture yourself in the shelter of the Most High. 

Picture yourself in the shadow of the Almighty.   

Man! That brings me comfort!!!

I can say "My refuge and my fortress, MY GOD, IN WHOM I TRUST!"  

It can be hard in trials.

Termination. Car wreck. Headache. Infertility. 

ANYTHING!!

The heading in my Bible App for Psalms 91 says Security of the One Who Trusts in the Lord. 

Security.

All of us want security. (definition: the state of being free from danger or threat)

 Even when I felt like I had no security in this life, I always had and will have security.

Security in knowing I have Eternal Life and Security in knowing He's in control.

Security.