I teared up.
I enjoyed the conversation and he's so cute but I stood there wondering what my child's personality would be. Would they talk to me like this?
I long to know what it feels like.
I watch other families at different events. I admire any babies I see. I even see pregnant women and wonder what that would be like.
In four months time, I will know if having my own kids is truly in my future or not. (We're officially seeing doctors)
In my post "I have a Dream" (read it if you haven't) I mentioned seeing the door to my dream shutting. I've never been quite so close to seeing it latch.
I have a peace though.
Not just "a" peace but His peace. A peace that can only come from Him.
I learned long ago that having a peace doesn't necessarily mean that God's saying I'll get what I want so therefore not concerned about it not coming true. I AM concerned that my dream will not come true. I'm still VERY emotional about the whole topic. The peace is knowing that He's in control and whatever happens is best.
I'll admit it's hard to get to that place and get that peace. It's also hard to stay there.
This week hasn't made it any easier.
Do you remember last year me talking about chest pains? After determining it wasn't my heart, I saw a pulmonologist, gastrointestinal doctor and had a stomach scope with no real answers.
Well...
The pain is back. :(
It hit Sunday evening and was in full-force before I went to bed.
I'll admit it is VERY discouraging to me.
My daycare load was pretty light this week and I had big plans to utilize it.
See.. I just recently became a consultant for Norwex. (check out my website www.amandahilpipre.norwex.biz)
Norwex is cleaning products that don't use toxic chemicals and I'm trying to use all the products so I know what I'm selling. In the process, I'm taking Before/After pictures to testify for the products at my parties. I want to be able to tell my customers my own experience rather than what I've heard.
If I do hear something that works, I try it myself or find someone who can try it for me.
I planned to do a lot of cleaning this week but my pain in my chest has allowed very little. I can only work about 10 minutes and then I need to take a break and just breathe. It's very disheartening especially knowing that next week is Spring Break and daycare will be anything but light.
I heard an idea on Tuesday night that changed my perspective and I think, really, changed my week.
When talking about their own personal trials, struggles and changes, two ladies were mentioning how they pray. They both had changed from praying "this is what I want, Lord." to "Give me the strength and patience to do this. Work in my heart, Lord."
So in other words, they weren't asking God for their desires but rather a change in heart for His desires.
No, it's not wrong for me to pray that my pains will go away or for my ability to have children. But I think they have a point in that we need to pray for His will and His timing. And while we wait, we need His patience and His strength.
Tuesday night I changed my prayer from "Why did this chest pain come back? Please, make it go away! This is going to ruin my week. It stresses me out." to "Lord, give me the strength to do what You'd like me to get done tomorrow and help me be okay with what doesn't get done."
This isn't a new idea or concept. I've talked about this point from all different angles. It proves to me that it's hard for us to be content in our situations. It's hard to understand what He's doing. We all need to be reminded of this and to TRUST Him.
There's several songs written about these same thoughts but the one that comes to mind is called "I Surrender All"
It doesn't even matter what the rest of the song says. Are you able to say those words and mean it?
"I Surrender ALL"
Will I cry if I can't have a baby? Sure.
Will I be sad and disappointed? Of course.
Will I still get up every morning? Yes.
Will I still trust in Him and rest in knowing that He has a perfect plan? Absolutely.
"Lord, help me to be content. Comfort me in days of pain. Give me strength to keep doing what You have called me to do now, today. And please, keep reminding me to surrender all to You. I love You, Lord." Amen.
I have a peace though.
Not just "a" peace but His peace. A peace that can only come from Him.
I learned long ago that having a peace doesn't necessarily mean that God's saying I'll get what I want so therefore not concerned about it not coming true. I AM concerned that my dream will not come true. I'm still VERY emotional about the whole topic. The peace is knowing that He's in control and whatever happens is best.
I'll admit it's hard to get to that place and get that peace. It's also hard to stay there.
This week hasn't made it any easier.
Do you remember last year me talking about chest pains? After determining it wasn't my heart, I saw a pulmonologist, gastrointestinal doctor and had a stomach scope with no real answers.
Well...
The pain is back. :(
It hit Sunday evening and was in full-force before I went to bed.
I'll admit it is VERY discouraging to me.
My daycare load was pretty light this week and I had big plans to utilize it.
See.. I just recently became a consultant for Norwex. (check out my website www.amandahilpipre.norwex.biz)
Norwex is cleaning products that don't use toxic chemicals and I'm trying to use all the products so I know what I'm selling. In the process, I'm taking Before/After pictures to testify for the products at my parties. I want to be able to tell my customers my own experience rather than what I've heard.
If I do hear something that works, I try it myself or find someone who can try it for me.
I planned to do a lot of cleaning this week but my pain in my chest has allowed very little. I can only work about 10 minutes and then I need to take a break and just breathe. It's very disheartening especially knowing that next week is Spring Break and daycare will be anything but light.
I heard an idea on Tuesday night that changed my perspective and I think, really, changed my week.
When talking about their own personal trials, struggles and changes, two ladies were mentioning how they pray. They both had changed from praying "this is what I want, Lord." to "Give me the strength and patience to do this. Work in my heart, Lord."
So in other words, they weren't asking God for their desires but rather a change in heart for His desires.
No, it's not wrong for me to pray that my pains will go away or for my ability to have children. But I think they have a point in that we need to pray for His will and His timing. And while we wait, we need His patience and His strength.
Tuesday night I changed my prayer from "Why did this chest pain come back? Please, make it go away! This is going to ruin my week. It stresses me out." to "Lord, give me the strength to do what You'd like me to get done tomorrow and help me be okay with what doesn't get done."
This isn't a new idea or concept. I've talked about this point from all different angles. It proves to me that it's hard for us to be content in our situations. It's hard to understand what He's doing. We all need to be reminded of this and to TRUST Him.
There's several songs written about these same thoughts but the one that comes to mind is called "I Surrender All"
It doesn't even matter what the rest of the song says. Are you able to say those words and mean it?
"I Surrender ALL"
Will I cry if I can't have a baby? Sure.
Will I be sad and disappointed? Of course.
Will I still get up every morning? Yes.
Will I still trust in Him and rest in knowing that He has a perfect plan? Absolutely.
"Lord, help me to be content. Comfort me in days of pain. Give me strength to keep doing what You have called me to do now, today. And please, keep reminding me to surrender all to You. I love You, Lord." Amen.
