I can't believe it's been two months already. It's not as if God hasn't been working but life has just gotten a little crazy. It seems as if every week I would think "okay, a new week, it has to be less stressful and busy". But that has not been the case. Just this week I've been starting to feel like I can breathe again although I'm still busy and constantly have something that needs to be done. Today, though, this was a priority.
I'm not going to recap the entire last two months but I am going to let you enter my life of the last two weeks. Two weeks ago this past Sunday I sang the song Blessings by Laura Story. I had been working on it for a while and really felt led to do it that week. Little did I know that I'd need that song as a reminder every day for the next two weeks.
It was one thing after another. The first week it was a lot of personal things. My future step-son was getting into trouble a lot at school. It seemed like every day there was something new to deal with. On top of that there was church issues and more family stresses. Plus you have to add on that this was the week of Thanksgiving. Family comes, schedules are different and you're supposed to be happy go-lucky.
Two days before Thanksgiving my fiancé's grandparents were in a car accident. At first we heard that it was minor and they just had cuts and bruises. Over the next few days more and more things developed. There was a broken hip, rib, sternum, pelvic bone, etc. Thanksgiving day we were with my side of the family but our thoughts were elsewhere. His side had postponed Thanksgiving to a later date. We went to see his grandparents that evening to see how they were really doing. We didn't really get to talk to either of them because of tubes or they were out of it. It was sad to see. In 2002, I watched my Grandpa die in a hospital and ever since then I really struggle seeing others in bad conditions. But I was there for my fiance.
Black Friday was a highlight. My sisters, mom and I went shopping and came home to celebrate my mom's 60th birthday. Saturday was also good because we did my grandma's Christmas. Still, through it all, we kept getting updates on Grandma and Grandpa.
Sunday was the turning day. The day where you normally think that the week before is behind you it was just the opposite. It's when the injuries from the car accident were determined to be so bad that they were not going to make it. My fiancé's family had decided to do Thanksgiving that day not knowing what kind of day it was going to be. We were together and we ate but it was a very hard and sad day. Grandma and Grandpa were going to hospice. It was final.
On Monday, Grandma didn't even make it into the hospice room before she passed away. One day later Grandpa joined her. For them it is a blessing they went so close together but for us it's hard to say goodbye so quickly and to two loved ones. They were married for 72 years.
Also on that day one of my best friends sent me a text and said her brother also passed away. He had been dealing with cancer and his battle was done.
I can not describe to you how I felt with all this going on. I never got that refresh button from the week before so things just kept building on top of each other. I was not handling it all well.
It's hard when these things happen any time of the year but they seem especially hard during the holidays. You almost feel guilty that you aren't enjoying the season and feeling giddy. In fact, I put up my Christmas tree with my daycare kids. I had promised them we would after Thanksgiving and they remembered! They had no idea what was going on inside of me but it's my job to put the kids first. Even though I was just going through the motions, they had fun. I felt bad that I wasn't more into it but sometimes life just weighs us down.
This is when the song Blessings came back to mind. The last line in the chorus says "What if the trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?" So often in this life we expect blessings to come as good things and good things only. Having my sisters here and getting to shop and celebrate my mom were blessings. Having Christmas at my grandma's and having my uncle (who had just had a major work accident to where he can't walk) there was a blessing. But what about the other stuff? Are they blessings? Are they God's mercies? Sometimes we don't know until we can look back. Other times we never know.
Several people said that they wished God had just taken his grandparents at the accident. Yes, in ways that would have been easier. They wouldn't have suffered at all. The family wouldn't have gone through two weeks of an emotional roller coaster. But I wonder... would we have wanted that last time to say goodbye? Did we need this time to prepare to lose them? I don't know and I'm sure for each person it may be a different feeling.
We'll never understand God and that's a good thing. But thinking of trials as possible blessings helps. It at least helps to understand that we are not in control and to remember that God always has our best in mind.
"Blessings" by Laura Story
We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet, love us way too much to give us lesser things
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it take to know You're near?
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?
We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home
What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy?
What if trials of this life
the rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?
I love those words. And here is a poem that was found in his grandma's billfold that I find very fitting.
I asked for wisdom and God gave me problems to solve.
I asked for prosperity and God gave me brains and the strength to work.
I asked for courage and God gave me danger to overcome.
I asked for love and God gave me troubled people to help.
I asked for favors and God gave me opportunities.
I received nothing I wanted.
I received everything I needed.
My prayer has been answered.
Anonymous
Struggles can be blessings. We just need to look to Him.
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