Life is an Adventure

Last week was one crazy week!

First let me tell you how my doctor appointment went.
I do not have any of the big diseases!!! YAY!!
He did do a lot more blood work just to confirm that it's not something else that we're all missing. I should hear back about those this week.
He thinks my chest pain is the cartilage between my ribs.

Here's the theory...

I hurt myself or something and I started to have this pain. With that I took a lot of medications and ended up bothering my stomach. My stomach issues, then, caused all my breathing problems.
Right now (for a month) I'm on a prescription anti-inflammatory and two different stomach meds.
We'll see where I'm at in a month.

I still have good days and bad days. There's a lot of things running through my mind but I'm waiting to see what happens. There's no sense in playing the "what if" game when I can't change anything anyway. My husband and I have plans on what we'll do next for different scenarios and I need to just leave it at that. :)

We're thankful that I don't have any of the debilitating diseases that I was facing and taking each day as it comes.


Can I tell you about the other events of the week?

1. Last week it was so hot here that school got out early. This is a bigger deal this year. The kids I had during the day last fall are now in Preschool all day. I have 8 to 12 school kids that come after school! The kids came two hours early Monday-Thursday and then FOUR hours early on Friday. Doing this always throws off my schedule (obviously). I feel like there's no routine and it makes for a long week. The extra hours on Friday meant I also needed to feed them lunch. HA!
I'll admit though that I'm thankful for the extra money during a month where bills are extra tight!

2. You know about how my dog had surgery.
He was pretty sad with the cone on. It took him a while to get used to it. He would just lay on the couch. He didn't even wag his tail. He wouldn't eat and sometimes he'd bleed a little so we had blankets and towels down.
The day care kids thought he was pretty sad, too and they all felt sorry for him.
It was pretty hard for me to watch but last Wednesday he was finally able to take off the cone and start acting normal again. Yay!
I'm thankful that we didn't have to make any decisions about how much money we were willing to put into our dog.

3. Nate and I had bought a new bed for our 5 year old. We picked it up on Tuesday after my appointment and started putting it together. One piece was missing! FRUSTRATING! 
Nate called and was told that the earliest we could get it was Thursday. 
We live an hour away so that could be an 'event' in itself but it keeps going... 

As he was driving home after getting the missing piece, traffic was slowing down because a guy was walking on the interstate. He was stopping cars and hitting their windows. Nate had seen traffic stopping on the other side of the road as well. Thinking the guy needed help, he rolled down his window and asked. The guy grabbed Nate and said "get out of the car!" Nate said no and if he needed help, he'd help him. The guy didn't give up. He kept saying "Get out of the car!" He grabbed Nate's arm, shirt, etc. Nate isn't a small guy and I'm amazed that this guy thought he could pull him out the window. I don't like to think about how big the guy might have been. Nate says they were about the same size. 

With his other hand, the guy was trying to find the button that unlocks the doors. When the guy decided to reach for the gear shift, he exposed his chin and Nate punched him right in the jaw!!!

The guy crumbled and was knocked out for a few seconds. He went to the ground and laid in the median. Nate drove off with just a small cut on his hand. 

Come to find out that he and his girlfriend had stolen a car in the city. They wrecked it and then stole another. Oddly enough that person was also from our small town. The girlfriend had pulled her out of her van. Then they wrecked the van near the place Nate was at that moment. So they were trying to get a new vehicle.

Nate called me and I told him he'd better call our friend that's a State Patrolman. So he did. Our friend said that Nate did what he needed to and shouldn't worry about anything else. He was off duty then but planned to find out what he could the next day. 

He called Nate on Friday and said that they caught the girl but didn't even know a guy was involved until he told them Nate's story. (He must have heard the sirens and ran.)

Nate was still shaking when he got home.

I just can't believe it happened. It seems surreal to me. 

Both of the people had blue stuff coming out of their mouths so they were hopped up on something. They were willing to do anything evidently because here's how the girl was caught... She had reached in a window that was just cracked open at the top. That car was dragging her along the interstate. They weren't letting her steal their car either! 

Nate and that other driver did what they needed to to stop the situation. I still get goosebumps.

I'm VERY thankful that neither of these people had guns or knives on them. I'm thankful that we weren't with Nate and that the other girl's kids weren't with her as well.

All the other "events" of the week seem EXTREMELY minor in light of that one but still...  

4. To top off the week.. 

Saturday night the boys were in bed. Our dog was down with our oldest and Nate and I were in our room. 

Then CRASH!

We ran to the kitchen to find that the shade over our ceiling lights had fell and broken to pieces on the floor. We have no idea how this happened or why it happened.

We're just thankful that no one was in the kitchen at the time. I'm also thankful that we were home at the time. After Thursday's event, I would have been even more on edge thinking someone had been in our house while we were gone if I saw broken glass upon entering! Not to mention that our dog could have walked through it and things. 

Life is an adventure, that's for sure!! 

We work on being thankful in every situation.

If you're ever bored, feel free to come visit us!! We never seem to have a dull moment! :)

Sorry for the silence

I received a card on Monday from an unexpected source. It was very encouraging and got me to thinking about something.

So often when I'm waiting for the next step of my doctoring or when I've heard some scary possibilities, I keep it to myself until I know the answers. My reasoning is that I don't want all of you scared for me. But as I read this card from a long distance relative, I realized instead that a lot of you are praying for me. A lot of you care and want to be with me on my journey.

A month ago I told you that I was having a stomach scope done. The procedure went well. The doctor said that he didn't see anything major going on but thinks my esophagus spasms. He put me on medicine for that.
I went back to my regular doctor to find out his thoughts after seeing all these specialists. He was pleased with most of what I found out and what medicine I was on. He didn't like the fact that I've been more nauseous lately and one more thing..

As he was looking through all that the other people did, he saw the blood work results. One of them was a positive result. He put his head down and shook it. He said "you're going to hate me."
This doctor genuinely cares. I can tell that he really just wants me to feel better.
He told me about the positive test and what the possibilities were. It could be nothing! BUT it could be something pretty big, too.

I don't want to tell you the options for a couple reasons.. 1. I really don't want you all to worry. 2. I honestly don't like hearing about diseases. I never look them up on the internet or anything. My own thoughts are hard enough to deal with, I'm afraid one of you possibly will say something I hadn't thought of and get me more worried. I know that none of you would do that on purpose but from experience, I know how sometimes we as people try to encourage and say things that cause another to worry. :)

None of the diseases are fatal so that should bring us all comfort.

My doctor said that he wants it to be nothing and he's tempted to ignore it but the possibilities of what it could be are too big to wait. IF I have one of those things, I need to know about it now.
Again, it could be nothing.

I see a rheumatologist next Tuesday.

Can I be honest with you?

I am struggling.

It was a month ago that I heard all this news. The doctor told me to enjoy my vacation and not worry. I actually did pretty well! Sure I didn't feel well most days (one day especially was horrible) but overall I did really have fun on vacation and wasn't worried about the future.

Now that I'm home, it's a different story. I'm just waiting for that appointment and so my mind wanders.
School started this week so with fewer kids, I have even more time for things to run through my mind.

Yesterday was really tough for some reason. I had only one daycare kid so it was very quiet around here. And since she's new, she doesn't really like it when I go to clean something or I'm away from her. To add to it, my dog had surgery. If you don't have a pet, you won't understand why that affects anything. But some of you will understand how that can also be an emotional time.
(He has cancer. They removed the spot without problem (although it was iffy at first). And I heard he's doing well. I'll get him back this afternoon)

I'm going to admit to you my biggest fear. I know that fear is lack of faith and I keep reminding myself that God is in control and His will is best.

My biggest fear is not that I may have a disease. It's that I'll hear these words "with this disease and your age, you should not have children. Your body couldn't handle it."

I keep telling myself to not worry about it. But it's so hard when I sit and watch daycare kids and think about what my kids would look like. Or when I'm around my best friend's son (he's at my favorite age), his personality is just coming out and I love it! I wonder what personality my kids would have.

It makes it harder when I think about that this is something in my blood. It's different when they think it could be something because of my symptoms. This time something is really there to check out.

I can't think about it. Like I said, God is in control and His way is best. If He doesn't want me to have my own children, He will help me to be okay with that. He'll help me turn my focus completely on helping raise all these other children in my life.

Today is better than yesterday. ;)

Overall, I'm feeling okay. I still get short of breath but the constant pressure is gone. The two medications I'm on have to be taken before I eat and I find it really hard to remember before every meal. The sharp pain still comes but not as often. I'm learning how to manage it. I'm thankful for that.
My energy level is still really low and I get nausea fairly often.

I'm praying for answers. I'm praying that someday I'll know what it feels like to have no pain. I'm praying that once again I'll be able to play with my step-sons outside.

My 5 year old step-son brought me up for prayer in Sunday school. I was pretty bad this last Sunday.
Not only did he want me better that day but said "I want her to not have any pain next time I come." That's Labor Day weekend.

All things are possible with God.



Thanks again for your prayers and being on this journey with me. I know that so many of you have concerns and also want me to know what it feels like to be pain-free.
I think a lot of you see my blog through my sister on Facebook. (Thanks Laura!)
Feel free to check directly with this website (you can become a follower). You can also feel free to repost it, as my sister does.
If you'd like me to email you when I do post, let me know. My email for this blog is delightinlord@hotmail.com.
I'm sorry I'm not more regular with it.
My next appointment is Tuesday and then I see my regular guy again on Thursday. I'll probably wait until after both of those before updating you.
PLEASE let me know if you want to know things directly.

Keeping Moving Forward

If you've read any of my last posts, you know that I'm dealing with new pain and                            more not feeling well.

Naturally as I go doctor to doctor, I compare it with my experience going to doctors                        with my headache.

Some of it is the same...

     About every other doctor has an attitude problem and no bed-side manner

     I have to answer the same questions over and over... and over!

     They want to put me on medications

     Some doctors disagree with what others have already told me to do.

     Sometimes I feel like they think I imagine my pain

     Every doctor wants me to fill out more forms no matter what records are being sent

  I'm sure there's more if I spent more time thinking about it.

But this time there have been two things very different.

 1. I'm getting into the specialists VERY fast!

 2. The door to a solution has closed yet!

Let me expound on those two points.

My last post pointed out that I was waiting to hear from the Pulmonologist. I knew I had an appointment on August 14th but I was praying I could get in sooner by someone canceling.

Well... last Tuesday I got a call that someone canceled and I could go on Wednesday if I was willing. The deal was that the breathing tests were several hours before I could see the doctor.

Of course I was willing!!!

My mom and I made a day of it.

First thing I had to do was breathing tests and get an x-ray. The breathing tests took almost an hour and were a trial in themselves. But I made it through.

We had three hours before seeing the doctor so we did some shopping and ate lunch.

The tests proved that I don't have asthma and the pulmonologist doesn't think it has to do with my lungs. So she wanted me to see a GI (gastrointestinal) specialist.

*sigh*

We were told it'd be a couple of weeks. 

Again, I was praying I could get in before vacation.

The next day (Thursday) I talk to the office and they can get me in on Friday!

If you've never dealt with specialists much, I can tell you that this is just unimaginable!!!

So off I was again to another specialist.

The encouragement was that the pulmonologist wasn't just passing me on because she didn't know what it was but because she thinks it has to do with my esophagus. 

So the door wasn't closed on me.. it just led to a hallway. :)

The GI specialist spent quite a bit of time with me. She asked me a lot of questions and determined that I should do a stomach scope.

Again, I was praying I could get in before vacation.

The scheduler came in and said "July 29th". 

"Nope, won't work. I'm on vacation..... Is there ANY way I can get in next week?"

"I don't think so. I just filled the last spot open."

Me praying... "Please, Lord, open one up!"

"Oh! Here's one on Thursday but you have to check in at 6:00AM. Do you drive far?"

"Yes, I'm an hour away but I'll take it because it's better than after vacation."

"Well.. let me check one more thing."

Me praying... "Please, Lord, I'm willing to get up at 4 to do this but you know my body and how that affects me....."

"Oh wow! Here's one for check in at 1:00PM. I don't know how I missed that."

"I'll take it!" "THANK YOU, LORD!!!"

It was truly amazing!

For the procedure, I have to be put to sleep so my husband will go in with me and I, again, have to take the day off of work. 

They'll go in through my mouth and go down. If my esophagus needs stretched, they'll do it. If it's an ulcer, they'll fix it. If they see things for biopsy, they'll do it then.

I'm praying they find something (because I WANT an answer for all this!) and that it's something they can fix while inside.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if I wake up feeling like my old self?

I expressed this to my "mother-hen" day care girl. 

She's one that just last week said "I wish you could exercise and dance with us again. I wish you were fun again." It made me tear up!

So when I told her that I COULD (not definite) feel better next week, she said, "We could dance to Footloose again!!"  

I pray that it's true!

I'm honestly not too worked up about the procedure itself but instead, all the rules I have to follow now. There's medications (like ibuprofen.. my best friend) that I'm not supposed to take at all. There's other ones too. Then on Thursday I can't eat after 7:00AM. 

I'm already losing sleep in anticipation for this. I know, I need to give it to God.

We have a busy weekend but I'll try to update you after the scope as soon as I'm able.

The other thing I've found out is that both specialists think the pain in my chest is a different problem. They don't think it's related to the not breathing.

They differ, however, on what they think it is. One thinks it's arthritis. The other says it's probably muscle related or a cystic breast. She wants me to go to a gynecologist to check it out.

I'm thinking along the lines of the muscle thing so I'm just making an appointment with a regular doctor. If they want me to get a mammogram, they can still set it up but if it's not, they can still treat me as they see fit. 

I know a lot of you out there are thinking and praying for me. Keep it up! 

We appreciate it very much!!

One Step at a Time

I don't have a lot to share at this point but I wanted to update you.

Yesterday was my much anticipated Dr. appointment.
It went pretty well. My husband and I really liked the guy and feel like he's going to pursue things until we figure out the problem.
The Dr. took more blood for a couple more tests. The one he took for blood clots came back negative so that's good. The other test is for something called Farmers' Lungs. I won't get those results for a week or so.
He also wants to send me to a specialist. He thinks it's crazy that I'm "young and healthy" and yet have this very obvious problem.
There were other tests he thought about doing but wants to wait to see what the specialist does.

When I was talking to him, he was thinking I'd get in to the specialist in the next week or two.
As I was driving home, the specialist's office called my house and left a message with my mom. I can't get in until August 14th!!

I called the specialist and they put me on the cancellation list. That means if someone cancels, they'll call me but I live an hour away. I basically need to be ready to go if they call.
I, then, called my Dr back and told him.

Today my Dr. called and said that he talked to the specialist office and they're hoping that I can get in next week. He said that if I don't hear from them by Wednesday, I'm to call him back and he'll call them.
It's so nice to have a doctor working for me!!

We're praying I can get in next week!
Trying to function on this 'stand-by' mode is difficult, especially with my job, but we want to get this figured out!

We're planning on going on vacation at the end of the month. I really want to be working on the solution before then. If I go as I am, I'll be worn out and tired for most of the trip. I'll also probably be in more pain as I'll have to be more active.
The inhaler is helping the cough but not stopping the pain and pressure. The Dr. told me to keep doing it.

Our other prayer is finances. We know that God always has and always will provide as far as finances. We pray about it constantly still asking Him for His continued provision.
It's hard having test after test knowing that each one rules out something but also costs so much. I also have to miss work for appointments or not feeling well. I miss work; I don't get paid.
We also have our younger son's birthday this month and our vacation planned.

God will provide somehow. We know that.
We pray for His guidance, wisdom and comfort.

I also wanted to share with you that I did ask about some specific things I have heard from others. He doesn't think it could be Lyme disease, anxiety or really allergy. We explored the allergy option a little but he's just not thinking it's the answer. Hopefully we'll know more after I see the specialist.

God has all the timing of every appointment, treatment and even our vacation in His hands.
Even when I can only see what's going on right now, He sees the future.

I'm thankful that I can leave all my worries and concerns with Him.
He always does what's best for us even when we can't figure it out.

Thanks for praying for me and please, continue to do so. :)

Stumped them again...

I don't know what it is about my body that makes me feel symptoms, pain or what have you and yet nothing is wrong.

If you haven't read my last post "Living with Pain", please read that first.

I'm going to start where I left off. By Friday evening, I was pretty tired and worn out. As a family, we just stayed home, watched a movie and I went to bed early.

Saturday I didn't feel right. My stomach was hurting. I felt weak and in need of food but also felt like if I ate, I'd get sick. I took my morning pretty slow. It was hard because I knew that my step-son was heading to camp the next day and I needed to help him get ready.
My husband did the laundry and I was able to go to the store.
I was feeling better but never felt great.
I'm so used to putting my mind to something and getting it done. I work fast and efficient.
Not lately though.
I have to sit often. I just stop and focus on breathing.
Saturday evening I went and sat on my bed. My husband and step-son came back as well and we were just chatting.
Something caused me to go into a huge coughing fit and I ended up getting sick. When I returned to my room, my step-son said, "I can't wait until July 1st."
He's a teenager so typically he's talking about something for himself. :)
This time he was talking about my doctor's appointment.
He said, "I was thinking this morning about what if some day you woke up with no pain. Wouldn't that be cool? I bet our lives would be a lot more exciting and we could do a lot more stuff!"
If it didn't hurt to cry, I would have.
I feel bad that he feels that way and yet it was nice to hear that he thinks about life for me without pain. I know I used to play basketball with him and now I can't. It would be very interesting to see how he views this whole thing in his mind.
I replied by saying, "I'm sorry, bud. I look forward to a day I'm not in pain as well. Thank you so much for helping out this week. You've been great."
His response? "It was kinda fun." lol

Saturday night I did little sleeping and a lot of coughing.
In the morning (early morning), I took my medicine but ended up getting sick again. This time with some blood in it.
I crawled back in bed and went into a deep sleep.. for the first time that "night".
My husband woke me up when he was heading to church and told me that I wasn't going anywhere.
I wasn't to worry about Sunday School, taking our son to camp, or playing guitars that night. He wanted me to rest.
He added as he was walking out the door... "I don't want you to worry about the kitchen or paying bills either!"
Those are things that drive me nuts when they aren't done and they weren't done at that point. He didn't want me to end up in the hospital and knew that I could be stubborn about all that stuff he mentioned. :)

I obeyed.

All day Sunday I either slept or watched TV. I wanted to get better and if this was what it was going to take, I'd do it.
I got pretty bored but felt a lot more rested.
Even still, my cough was just as bad and we decided I shouldn't work on Monday and go to the doctor instead.

Yesterday (Monday) I got up and called the doctor's office as soon as it opened. I wasn't able to get in until 11 but at least I could get in.
I hadn't seen this guy before and I didn't know if that was going to be a good thing or a bad thing.

They did the normal check over, asked the normal questions and came up with the same result.
"We don't know why you have this."

It gets very discouraging to keep hearing that. With my headache I can kind of understand that they can't figure out the source. When I couldn't breathe properly, it was a little harder to understand but that's why I made this other appointment for July 1st.
But a cough?
How can a cough not have a cause?
Why am I coughing?

This doctor was baffled and I could tell he didn't like not being able to help me. He was very nice about all of it. He said there's nothing in my lungs and I have no signs of any kind of infection or anything. BUT he said "I can hear you cough. It's very real and something is agitated." He just didn't know why or what.
He wants me to go to a specialist but added that he had no problem with me getting a second opinion from the guy on July 1st. He made sure that I knew he was very willing to help in any way he could.

He did go ahead and prescribe me an inhaler. He also prescribed me some stomach (antacid, I think) medicine because he was concerned about the blood Sunday morning.
A few months ago I had that ulcer-type thing. I'm not sure if it's all connected or not so I'm willing to try this.
I was honestly excited and relieved when he mentioned the inhaler. I didn't just want cough medicine because the stuff I was taking at home wasn't helping, why would prescription?
I've done 3 good doses of the inhaler. This morning I thought maybe it was helping but I'm still coughing quite a bit so I'm not certain.

I have to work.
As I mentioned in my other post, I fear I would get depressed if I didn't.
Yes, it's hard for me. And yes, at times I'd rather be sleeping.
But I know I'm not contagious. I know that I can still provide for their needs. And I know I need the money.. esp if I have more medical bills coming!

My day care parents are so understanding and so willing to work with me. I can be completely honest with them about how I'm feeling. I told them that if they're uncomfortable with bringing their child, I'm fine with that. They know that if I can't handle it, I'll call and let them know. We all have a very honest and open relationship.
In fact, it was one of my day care parents that hooked me up with this doctor on July 1st. She told me this morning that he'll probably order a special kind of test for me that I'll have to do on a Friday.
My day care kids are great too. They've learned my hand signals when I have no voice. They feel bad and say "does your chest hurt today?" They understand if we can't walk somewhere because I don't feel good. The oldest one I have (8 years old) is my mother hen. She worries about me a lot.
I feel bad that these kids are concerned for me and that they have to deal with that. But I can't explain how great they are. We have inside jokes and we laugh. When I'm feeling okay, we dance and are crazy. I still try to take them places but we drive more than walk.

God gives me strength.
I used to say it was daily strength but now it's minute by minute.
I have a fear that this cough will never go away. I have a fear that it'll take months to get to the bottom of this.
But what is fear?
Fear is lack of faith.

I need to have faith that God will provide answers.
I DO have faith that He will not lead me somewhere or give me something that I can't handle.. with His help, of course.
I'm leaning on Him. I still fight the discouragement and fear but I trust Him with my life.

Please continue to pray for me. My next appointment is Monday, July 1st.
I will keep you updated. :)

Living with Pain

I feel like I haven't written in a while. I also feel like I've had a lot of ideas running through my mind but I like them to solidify before I write. If I don't, I tend to ramble and not make sense. :)

I've had a pretty rough week and I thought I'd share. My thoughts are not complete in my mind but I want to write in the moment. I'm hoping that if others of you live with pain, you will be encouraged to know you're not alone.

I'm in pain.

A lot of pain.

I have three sisters but I was the one (still am!) that required the most sleep. I seemed to get sick more often than they did. I was the one (again, still am!) that would get car sick and would get sick on rollercoasters. I'm not sure about this one as much but I think I am the one that has the hardest time with my cycles. They've always been so painful that I've missed school, work, etc.

My point is that sickness and pain are not new to me.

If you know me or have read any of my other posts, you know about my headache. What you don't know is about my newest pain. I think I mentioned it briefly once.

At the end of April, I had a sharp pain in my chest and I couldn't breathe. We ruled out that it was heart pretty quickly. I thought maybe I had a rib out but that wasn't the case either. The pain and pressure in my chest remained constant. I tried medicine and when that didn't work we did more tests. I had an xray and CT scan done plus some blood work. All of them came back negative. We had no idea what the problem was. I still had medicine left so I decided I'd wait until that was out and see how I was. If there was still a problem, I'd go get a second opinion.
Well, by the time I called another doctor, I couldn't get in until July 1st.

Until this week, the pain didn't remain constant. It would come and go and I really had to learn how to watch what I did and how tired I got.
On the other hand, the pressure has always been there though. I haven't been able to take a deep breath in almost two months!
I often run out of breath just talking and my day care kids have learned to be patient when I just hold my hand up to them for a moment. They've also learned to obey by my motions to them so I don't have to talk.
During all of this, I haven't had a runny or stuffy nose. I haven't had a sore throat. And I haven't been coughing.
I often lose my voice just because I can't get the air I need. I can't sing unless I'm concentrating on breathing through my abdomen (like you're supposed to) but even then, it wears me out.
In fact, it often hurts to talk or sing.

Last week I was at Target and tried on two pairs of pants. When I came out, my husband asked how they fit. I couldn't even talk because I was so out of breath. That's just by trying on two pairs of pants!
Having a headache for 10 years is one thing. And yes, if you would have asked me back then if I could live with a headache, I would have said no. BUT not being able to breathe is so different!! I don't feel like I could live with this at all!!

Waiting for my appointment on July 1st, I have tried the chiropractor in the meantime. It helps take the edge off but doesn't take the pressure away. And again, I really have to watch myself or else the pain returns. If I have worn myself out and then I bend over to pick up something or talk to a kid, I get the sharp pain again. I have learned to sit and try to relax. I feel like I get nothing done.

That's all the stuff that's been going on for two months. Let me tell you about this week.

Let's start with last Saturday. I took my grandma to my cousin's daughter's dance recital. I really didn't feel like it wore me out too much. At my niece's recital, I normally come out with a bad headache but this one wasn't as loud. But for some reason, it really got my chest going. I don't know what it is. I lost my voice by the time I got home. Then I had to practice guitar and singing with my dad for a Sunday night thing we do. I was pretty miserable going to bed that night.. but looking back it was nothing compared to what was in store for me.

Sunday was a typical day. I was tired and in pain but didn't really think much about it.

Monday I woke up nauseous. I noticed my chest wasn't feeling too bad but I wasn't feeling great. I ended up getting sick before my husband even left for work. (please know that in my history, getting sick is not an indication that I have the stomach bug. It's a sign that I've worn myself out or I'm stressed. I can tell the difference when it's a illness. Just didn't want you to think I got sick and spread it to kids.)
The pain in my chest while getting sick was almost unbearable. I can not put it into words for you. I only threw up the one time but the pain in my chest never left.

Tuesday I was weak but fighting against the pain. I had gained a cough which was new to this whole thing. I was trying to take it easy when I got a call from the pool that said I needed to come get one of my kids from lessons. I got all the other kids ready quickly and we walked at a fast pace to get there. As we're walking, I get a text that said the Trolley showed up for her and was heading to my house. So we turned around and tried to rush back. (The trolley won't drop off a kid at a house unless they see an adult)
We made it but I was in terrible pain. I couldn't breathe and kept grabbing at my chest. My step-son thankfully stepped up and helped get lunch ready for the kids. I, then, called my mom so I could go to the chiropractor real quick. While I waited for her, I laid down and couldn't help but cry. I knew that it would make my chest worse, but I couldn't stop the tears. I came out of my room with tears in my eyes and showed up at the chiropractor the same way. My day care kids were concerned to see me this way and that made me feel worse.
My mom finished out lunch with them and helped get them down for rest time. The chiropractor made it so I could at least breathe again. When I got home, I laid down and tried to relax. I couldn't decide whether to go to the doctor or what. It's hard when they already haven't found anything, and yet I was in so much pain, I wanted it gone!
I decided to just relax (or try to).
By the end of my work day, my voice wasn't very good at all. In fact, all of my day care parents were concerned and I explained about the day. I have WONDERFUL day care parents right now so it was nice to know their concern and willingness to work with me if I needed it.
That evening I stayed home and went to bed early. At one point, I cried again. A lot harder this time and again, it made my chest feel so much worse. To add to it, crying made my headache worse too.

Do you know how often I pray to have a pain that doesn't get worse when I cry? *sigh*

Wednesday morning I woke up in a lot of pain and had a slight fever. So I decided to not work. I let all my parents know and went back to sleep. I stayed in bed all day watching movies or sleeping. The pain in my chest was still indescribable and my head hurt. I had a weak moment again when the tears came.
It is so hard to be so discouraged and down and yet know that crying just makes everything worse. I just kept praying God would take it all away. I felt like I'd never get passed this trial.
My step-son has been wonderful this week. My husband has been busy finishing up planting and my step-son made me supper without being asked!!

Thursday (yesterday) I decided I would try to work. I knew I didn't have as many kids and that the distraction might help from all the crying stuff. At certain moments in the day, I questioned whether I made the right decision. At other times, I knew it was good to have kids here with me. I didn't feel as tired as I expected at the end of the day but I still was pretty worn out. My husband and step-son said I looked a lot better than I did on Wednesday.

Last night I didn't sleep much at all. To add to my chest pain and my headache, my cycle started so I kept waking up with that pain as well. I will admit that I asked God why I couldn't catch a break.

Today I'm not only tired but still in pain. I'm still coughing like crazy. I got sick again this morning but it wasn't as painful as Monday. I am working but have even fewer kids today. They're all older as well so it's a pretty easy day as far as day care goes. And again, my step-son helps quite a bit. I have to keep working (if possible) not only for financial reasons but I would probably find myself bedridden and depressed.

I'm worn out from fighting pain. I'm constantly taking medicine and just trying to get through each day. God gives me strength. I know that I couldn't do it without Him with me. I don't understand why He's allowing all of this but I just try to take it one moment at a time.
I pray next week isn't nearly as bad and painful as this one has been. I pray that even tomorrow is better than today.

One more week until I see that doctor.
I pray I get answers.

I don't have any big lessons to tell you right now. I just know that there's others out there that deal with pain and I pray that knowing that I'm with you is an encouragement.

I do ask that each of you pray for me. I need it!
Thank you!

I'm Amazed

Last weekend, my husband and I went down to visit my new baby niece.
We had a hard time trying to figure out a good weekend to go down. One of the reasons was because we're wanting to trade in our car for a van soon. My husband was nervous that driving the car 6 hours each way, was just asking for something to happen... like an accident, hail damage, or just plain having car problems.
But with no other time working, we went; praying that if God truly wanted us to make this trade-in, He would protect us.

And boy did He!!!!

Friday night as we were driving down, everything was going well. It was about 9:30 and I had been dozing in and out of sleep. We were an hour away from my sister's house.
I suddenly said "oh my gosh!!"
The car in front of us went left, then sharp right, into the ditch, up the hill, spun around, slid down hill, spun around again and then stopped.
My husband is really quick in these situations. I don't know if it's a guy thing or the fact he was an EMT.
He hit the hazards and started to slow down. By the time the car had stopped moving, we came up to the cause of the accident. There was an entire roll of insulation over both lanes. We were going slow enough by this point that Nate could easily maneuver around it. Then we pulled to the side of the road. The next two vehicles behind us (a pick-up and a semi) had seen Nate's hazards and started slowing down as well so they didn't hit us. They could not really go around the insulation though. BUT since both were bigger vehicles, they could go over it which actually got it off the road for the next group of cars.

When we stopped on the shoulder, I looked at the other car.
"There's a kid standing up, Nate!", I said.
You all know that kids are my passion so I started getting a little more concerned but tried to stay calm. Nate was out and down to the car faster than I could get my shoes on.
He first asked if they were okay. It was a mom and a 3 year old boy. Neither of them were injured so praise the Lord for that. I had gotten down there and heard Nate say "Go up with my wife to our car and I'll try to drive your car out of here".
So I walked with them back up to our car. The pick-up that was behind us had pulled over too. The man helped Nate.
They got the car up onto the shoulder and started checking if it was okay. Amazingly it was except the trunk wouldn't stay shut. As they worked on it, I talked to the little boy.
I asked him if he was okay and if anything hurt. He said he was scared. Then he told me how they wrecked and he fell. He had been in a car seat but it wasn't on very securely.
I talked to him some more about how he was meeting his dad so they could go fishing. He told me about his new fishing pole and how big of a fish he was going to catch. He was a real cute kid.

His mom had been looking for her cell phone and couldn't find it. So I called it for her.
The guys never could get the trunk to stay shut but they decided it was heavy enough, it shouldn't be a problem. She was only a mile or two away from her destination.
She was pretty shaken by the whole thing but thankfully no one was hurt. I still think of her often and pray that neither of them were too sore the next morning.
I really think about the boy. He was spending the weekend with his dad. Was he sore? Would his dad take the accident into consideration?
I have to leave all that up to God. More than likely, I'll never see them again.

There's so many things that could have gone wrong with that accident. They could have rolled their car. It's amazing that they didn't!! If we were any closer to them, they could have hit us or we may have hit the insulation straight on or we may not have been able to help in the way we did. If we had been further back, the pick-up and semi behind us could have hit us.

The whole thing caused us a 20 minute delay but that's not bad considering what else could have happened. I don't think I could have handled it if that little boy had been hurt. Like I said, he's on my mind a lot now and he wasn't injured!
I must have tensed up during the whole thing or something because when we started driving again, my shoulder hurt. I couldn't raise my arm at all.
But that's not a big deal in the scheme of things.

We're thankful they're okay. We're thankful God protected us as well. And we're thankful that we were able to help them. No one else stopped to help. I don't know if someone else in our position would have or not. But we did and we're thankful.

We didn't drive our car at all while down there. Saturday night a storm was coming in and Nate was worried about hail damage but the storm ended up breaking up.

Sunday was the long drive back.
We're in the midwest and there were storms everywhere.
An hour after we left, one of my sisters and the other sister's husband were both texting us telling us they were in a tornado warning and one had been spotted South of them.
We weren't driving in rain or anything. I prayed right then that we'd stay ahead of it.

Three hours into our trip Nate's co-worker called to see where we were. He told us about some storms going on but thought we'd stay behind it. So we were driving in between two storms basically the whole way.

Do you know what?

We didn't even hit rain until we were an hour away from home. And even then, it was only pouring, white knuckle type driving, for about 20 minutes! That's amazing considering all that was going on around us!
Nate's sister had text a couple times saying that people on Facebook were talking about a tornado near our town and the news talked about one spotted in a town close by.

When we got back, we had to stop at my parents to get my step-son.
(We get him on Sunday nights so instead of trying to be back in time, he just went to my parents for a couple hours)
My parents said that they assumed we were driving in storms the whole way because the radar was just red the whole distance.
Well, there was a little hole that God had us driving in. I'm still amazed at it.
We keep hearing stories about that night. Stories about how hard it was raining, how much the wind was blowing, how much hail there was and all sorts of things.
We even know of someone else driving home but they were coming from the East where we were coming from the West. They had to stop and go into a church basement.
We must have been in another world.
One little town we drove by had been tossed like a salad just an hour or so before. Trees had fallen and leaves were plastered to people's houses. We didn't drive through it but was told about it later.
Nothing was like what had happened in Oklahoma, but there were still storms and God had kept us out of them.

I don't think it was all to protect our car either. I think God protected US.
Just driving in the pouring rain for 20 minutes made my body ache. I haven't felt well all week and I think it's a combination of things. But from my experience, I know that if we'd driven 6 hours in storms (like we certainly could have) I would be even worse. My body just doesn't handle those kinds of things anymore.
I've been having some lungs/chest issues for about a month now and it was really acting up on Sunday before we even left. If I had been tense the whole trip, I can't even imagine what I would be feeling like now.

God is good.
Yes, He could have made both trips completely different. He could have NOT allowed the insulation to be in the road at that moment. He could have NOT let it storm at all so it wouldn't be a concern.
But He was allowing those things to happen and no one can predict why. We can't read His mind and see what He sees. But we trust that He knows best.
In all that, He was very much protecting us.
Like I said.. He could have made both trips completely different. WE could have been the ones that came upon the insulation first. We could have been closer to the car wrecking. We could have driven in storms.. even a tornado.. all day Sunday.

Sometimes God protecting us doesn't mean avoiding all negative things. It means keeping us exactly where He wants us.

Nate and I praised Him after the car accident for what could have happened but didn't.
We praised Him while we were driving home, realizing how amazing it was that we weren't even in rain.. let alone a big storm.

We still praise Him for all He has done, will do and is doing for us.

God is good. Praise Him.